Bees and Soccer Balls

My father called tonight. The last bee colony is gone.

He checked, as it looked like there were not a great deal of bees coming out. Sure enough, moths were in the top, and their larvae had chewed up the top deep. He has managed to salvage honey out the bottom deep, and we'll scrape the wax after leaving it well exposed to the sun.

I need to take a class. Something is just not working right - or as my father said, "This is some of the most expensive honey ever."

While poking around online tonight for classes and information on the wax moth (which, by the way, is a native of Asia and can be deterred by a strong hive), the thought occurred to me "Oh well, here we go again." Another thing, started, perhaps done half well, and failed. To some extent, the story of my life.

It makes me think that there is something beneath the something here. It's more than just bees failing, or not following through with my writing, or my gardens that never get quite as grand as I dream them.

It's follow through.

I was reminded of this this weekend as I watched my niece's soccer game (8 years old). The girls would kick the ball, but then would just stand there or watch it go or not kick it again when the opposing team blocked it. "Follow Through" I screamed at the top of my lungs, probably confusing most of the other parents (Who's the guy yelling at my kid) and getting ignored by 8 year old soccer players.

But it occurred to me then, and occurs to me now, that I was yelling at myself.

I have always feared to make choices, to choose one activity over another, because I thought I would limit my choices. Is it limiting my choices, or is it my fear that I could not complete something competently?

There's a hint in my life - I would do something until something went wrong or I failed, and then I don't want to do the thing anymore - it's like I never did it in the first place. Rather than pick up at the point of a failure and move on, I pretend it never happened and move on.

No follow through. Soccer balls flying back at me as I stare stupidly at them.

So now's as good a time as any to start making choices. I can't do everything I will ever want to do. I need to commit - if I want to do something, I will do it until I succeed.

That means being humble enough to admit I don't know everything and being willing to learn. It means being committed enough to keep pushing through, even when I do fail or get discouraged.

It means kicking the ball when it comes back at you. Twice, if you have to.