Glimmers of clarity do not come often. But, occasionally, they come.
There was a sense last night, driving home from getting some last minute groceries, that I had suddenly had some clarity, clarity on things that I could not have predicted last Thursday. It is always a shock when such things occur - I look so long for such things and yet am surprised when they suddenly appear.
What pushed things to the moment?
- A letter from someone indicating the positive impact I had on their life.
- Picking up the beginnings of a physical training program and finding that in doing, I feel more powerful and alive.
-The realization that for now, where I am career wise is where I need to be - for reasons that have nothing to do with my career.
- An acceptance of the fact that a part of my experience has reached the point of usefulness and I need to move on.
- A realization (or maybe a re-realization, perhaps) of my importance within my family.
- Finally, a quiet acceptance of the fact that the principles of Christianity I claim to value need to be lived out more fully in every aspect of my life, not just spiritual part.
So what does this practically mean?
Well, for one thing it means that I am informally taking myself out of the job search market, at least actively. I will review things that come in, but I am not going to go out of my way to search.
Secondly, it means accepting that there are things to work on and get better at, things that I can spend my time on beneficially. Oddly enough, these things may hardly represent career enhancing issues. Things like
- Physical training (lifting, Heavy Athletics)
- Ichiryo Gusoku (Gardening and Cheese here, with perhaps a touch of quail and bees)
- Languages (something I truly love), with the intent of actually having something useful instead of just head knowledge.
- Music (Harp here, I think)
- Family (yes, I know, it is a given, but still needs to be on the list)
- God (specifically both on a personal level as well as truly getting involved in a corporate body of worship).
In fact, as I look at this list, I see that precisely none of this directly would improve my career. And maybe that is okay. Because perhaps the more relevant question is this: if I simply let go of my focus of my career (and my long running unhappiness therewith) would it put me any farther from fulfilling the true purpose of why I am here or would it move me closer?