This is mostly Jambaloney's fault.
I do not think that he intended it to be his fault. But it seems to be.
Last Saturday under "Word for the Year" he left the following comment:
"progress is a great word... but man, i read your goals - you are gonna KILL yourself with that list..
well, not really - but they won't get all get done tomorrow... i hate to offer unsolicited advice, but if i have learned anything at the manor, it is pick a skill/project and then kill it before you move on.. it will become a "second nature" as you get to the next chapter.. pick ONE of those goals a year and finish it off. multitasking is modern bs - cut yourself some slack and enjoy !!!
I did what I usually do - read it, gave it a some thought, thanked him, and then moved on.
But I could not shake the thought. Which is usually a sign that something within the statement resonated with me and I have to give it serious consideration. In fact, it has been dogging me ever since, especially as I work on things like goals and time.
The thought has been every more powerful as I have gone through the last few days, which seem to be an oscillation of trying to be as busy as possible and use all my time and then doing things which seemingly have no direct contribution to anything worth accomplishing but I enjoy - or in other words, trying to pack every single thing I want to do into a 24 hour day.
What this has managed to do is two things: one is that it makes me feel like I should always be rushing around doing something useful and productive, leaving no time for things like just sitting and reading or interacting with my family. The second is that when I do those things (and let's be honest - we all do just take some time) I feel like I am not doing everything I should be doing. Which makes me feel guilty. And makes me question what I am doing in the first place, because some of the things that I find I enjoy doing - or really have rediscovered that I love to do - are not really on the list of things I think I should be doing.
Which, in turn, is making me re-examine the whole list. Yes, I know there is a lot on there and yes, I know that most of the things I like to do are not things that I have to do, but that nagging thought is that something is just wrong if I cannot take some time to enjoy something without feeling like I am missing out on the list of things I set for myself. And the thought continues to hang in there, so it means that I need to go with it.
I still think it's Jambaloney's fault.
It's always Jambys fault.
ReplyDeleteas pioneer p said, it really is always my fault! ;-)
ReplyDeletehey, for what is worth, i drive myself nuts with lists and goals too..
i just don't beat myself up as much..
cheers!
It's comforting to find someone else whose fault it can be. Usually it is my own.
ReplyDeleteDo I beat myself up? Maybe. Probably. I guess I just feel like I should be using my time a great deal more effectively than I am - and by effectively, I suppose I mean doing things I think matter and are important, not priorities determine by the outside.