"The challenge, it turns out, isn't in perfecting your ability to know when to start and when to stand by. The challenge is getting into the habit of starting." - Seth Godin
I have been thinking a lot about starting over the last two weeks. Being away from the constant grind can give a man a great deal of clarity, if it is used correctly.
I guess what started me down this road was the rather simple thought of deciding that I was going to train in Japan in 2016. Pretty unlike me. What flowed from that rather simple mental decision was a series of things that would need to be in place in order for me to do it: funding (a big part, of course), time off, ensuring that everything I usually would do will be taken care of, etc. In other words, I had to start planning for the future.
That simple act got me started on thinking about the overall state of my life at the moment- not that it is bad - far from it - but rather that it is a sort of "here and now" existence. I have ongoing projects and know the things I want to do, but looking out to where I eventually would like to be - even in the short term - is not something I am terribly good at by any stretch of the imagination. I am not sure why - it is almost as if I treated it as something which was this terribly complex process that needed to be dealt with when in fact the thing simply starts with a decision. And then the work begins.
That simple little exercise has started my mind running down lines I had not expected. Things like what I really want to be doing in five years. Where I want to be or not be in ten years. How much effort I put into where I am now versus putting it towards where I want to be in the future.
Everything almost has the cast of being new again. Lots of things suddenly have the cast of being in my control. All from the simple act of making a mental decision to start.
It is great to discover that such things are still out there for me waiting to be found.
Friday, January 02, 2015
Thursday, January 01, 2015
Happy 2015
So a very happy 2015 to you all.
This was perhaps the quietest New Year we have had in some number of years: it was us and a couple friends and two of three Na Clann. No games, no videos, no "Count Down from New York": just food and good conversation. Add to that a cold front and heavy rain that prevented the usual post New Year's recreation of a battlefield and it was a very quiet New Year's indeed.
Which was quite alright. Over the years we have done all kinds of great things: had numerous mystery parties, had game nights, watched various children shout and scream, set off fireworks ourselves. Actually, the sort of event we had last night was possibly the first we have had like that in years.
A theme of this holiday season, I suppose. The whole period I have had off - from the 24th to the 5th when all is said and done - has been one of low key events and doings. Things have gotten done, but not with the seeming hustle and bustle that have come in years past.
That will change soon enough. My goals need to be ready by Monday - and from what I see, they are aggressive (last year's were as well). I think I am going to break them out into two sets this year to help me: one for the standard things I usually do (personal, professional, financial, spiritual, etc.) and one for Ichiryo Gusoku related things (I need to track this differently and more appropriately).
But that is for this weekend. For now, I think I simply spend the rest of the day as I started this year: low key, armed with my toast and tea and reading material,
And dreams. Always the dreams of what is to come this year.
This was perhaps the quietest New Year we have had in some number of years: it was us and a couple friends and two of three Na Clann. No games, no videos, no "Count Down from New York": just food and good conversation. Add to that a cold front and heavy rain that prevented the usual post New Year's recreation of a battlefield and it was a very quiet New Year's indeed.
Which was quite alright. Over the years we have done all kinds of great things: had numerous mystery parties, had game nights, watched various children shout and scream, set off fireworks ourselves. Actually, the sort of event we had last night was possibly the first we have had like that in years.
A theme of this holiday season, I suppose. The whole period I have had off - from the 24th to the 5th when all is said and done - has been one of low key events and doings. Things have gotten done, but not with the seeming hustle and bustle that have come in years past.
That will change soon enough. My goals need to be ready by Monday - and from what I see, they are aggressive (last year's were as well). I think I am going to break them out into two sets this year to help me: one for the standard things I usually do (personal, professional, financial, spiritual, etc.) and one for Ichiryo Gusoku related things (I need to track this differently and more appropriately).
But that is for this weekend. For now, I think I simply spend the rest of the day as I started this year: low key, armed with my toast and tea and reading material,
And dreams. Always the dreams of what is to come this year.
Wednesday, December 31, 2014
2014: That Was The Year That Was
So here it is: the end of the year. How did we stack up?
Okay. Actually, perhaps better than expected. I got a lot of what I wanted to do this year done:
- Published two books (including one I had been holding for 5 years, putting off).
- Got my In-dojo certification for Iaijustu
- Ended my Highland Athletic Year in the top 250, which was an improvement - and successfully beat all of my previous records.
- Attended all of the Seminars for Iaijutsu
- Got out to see our family this year.
- Had a reasonably good year at work, including passing a number of important audits.
Ichiryo Gusoku: Here, I was not so successful. Singular success (with Nighean Donn): getting quail. Even though they are not producing eggs yet (hopefully they will), they are here and we have a local supplier. Everything else (with the exception of some cheese production and a surprisingly fine yield of peppers) remains the same.
What did not get done? New job - but that deserves perhaps a little more thought anyway. Greater financial progress - but again, that seems like it will pick up speed this year.
So on the whole, not a terribly unsuccessful year.
What is on the agenda for next year? I already have a listing of things I want to work on. I need to give more careful consideration to them, hone them more over the next two days to put some meat and objectives on them. I made successful progress on some of my goals. I need to understand more completely why.
But that is for later. For now, I am simply grateful that it was a good year. We end it healthy. We end it employed. We end it together.
And one cannot ask for a great deal more than that.
Okay. Actually, perhaps better than expected. I got a lot of what I wanted to do this year done:
- Published two books (including one I had been holding for 5 years, putting off).
- Got my In-dojo certification for Iaijustu
- Ended my Highland Athletic Year in the top 250, which was an improvement - and successfully beat all of my previous records.
- Attended all of the Seminars for Iaijutsu
- Got out to see our family this year.
- Had a reasonably good year at work, including passing a number of important audits.
Ichiryo Gusoku: Here, I was not so successful. Singular success (with Nighean Donn): getting quail. Even though they are not producing eggs yet (hopefully they will), they are here and we have a local supplier. Everything else (with the exception of some cheese production and a surprisingly fine yield of peppers) remains the same.
What did not get done? New job - but that deserves perhaps a little more thought anyway. Greater financial progress - but again, that seems like it will pick up speed this year.
So on the whole, not a terribly unsuccessful year.
What is on the agenda for next year? I already have a listing of things I want to work on. I need to give more careful consideration to them, hone them more over the next two days to put some meat and objectives on them. I made successful progress on some of my goals. I need to understand more completely why.
But that is for later. For now, I am simply grateful that it was a good year. We end it healthy. We end it employed. We end it together.
And one cannot ask for a great deal more than that.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Out for the Day
So today we are doing something we have not done in a long time: taking a family day out! We are off to a local ice cream factory (I know - in December, go figure) for a tour and a scoop of ice cream (which is only available in our state). I will catch up tomorrow, slightly fattened up but happy!
Update: Our quail seems to be doing better: up and and around, eating and drinking. He is located in our fabulous quail hospital (a large tub inside the house) until the healing process is complete.
Update: Our quail seems to be doing better: up and and around, eating and drinking. He is located in our fabulous quail hospital (a large tub inside the house) until the healing process is complete.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Rats Again
Warning: Today's post is not a happy one. If you are offended by blood or the way nature works, this might not be the post for you.
This morning as I went out to feed the quail I noticed one of them - the big one I assume is the male - just siting on the floor of the cage. It is quite unusual behavior for him - especially as all other quail were doing their usual hop dance as I put my hand in. I reached in to grab him and turned him over, only to find his entire great plucked clean of feathers.
Rats.
It is the only explanation. There is not a single feather left on his breast (fortunately, there appears to be no other punctures than that). I had thought I had cleared them out and had not seen any sign of them (I thought). Apparently I was just fooling myself.
The quail is now in our homemade hospital suite, a large converted tub with sawdust and some food and water and a friend (who, I now suspect, also had a run-in with the rat). He has food and water and will be (hopefully) spending an extended time there healing (I have no idea how long it takes feather to regrow).
I feel awful. I feel like I should have seen this, should have done more to protect them. I should have been more suspicious. They count on my for their survival and protection - and I let them down.
Off to the store, of course, to get ready. I am delving into an area I do not typically dwell in in my world - the conscious preparation of killing an animal. It unsettles me greatly. But then I remember the words of Gene Logsdon, that wise sage of country living, who says that "Mother Nature could just as easily be called Old B**** Nature."
And I am angry - angry perhaps without cause, but angry none the less. Angry at this animal that has attacked a harmless bird - no, a harmless bird under my protection. Yes, someone can make the argument that it is merely doing what rats do in the wild.
Fine. Go do it somewhere else.
It is at these moments I think sometimes the entertainment industry does a great dis-service to us all by anthropomorphizing animals. People think of things like rats and they thing of The Rats of Nimh or The Tale of Despardeux or The Great Mouse Detective: animals that speak and have feelings - maybe a little evil perhaps, but none the less that are conscious, sentient beings that act rationally.
The sad reality - the one I find myself painfully reminded of this morning - is that this is not the case at all. The rat is acting as it is wont to act in nature: find and secure a food source. Not sing, not find a way to co-exist - find a food source.
As the Ents said in The Two Towers "We go, we go, we go to war to hew the stone and break the door."
But I am none to happy about it.
This morning as I went out to feed the quail I noticed one of them - the big one I assume is the male - just siting on the floor of the cage. It is quite unusual behavior for him - especially as all other quail were doing their usual hop dance as I put my hand in. I reached in to grab him and turned him over, only to find his entire great plucked clean of feathers.
Rats.
It is the only explanation. There is not a single feather left on his breast (fortunately, there appears to be no other punctures than that). I had thought I had cleared them out and had not seen any sign of them (I thought). Apparently I was just fooling myself.
The quail is now in our homemade hospital suite, a large converted tub with sawdust and some food and water and a friend (who, I now suspect, also had a run-in with the rat). He has food and water and will be (hopefully) spending an extended time there healing (I have no idea how long it takes feather to regrow).
I feel awful. I feel like I should have seen this, should have done more to protect them. I should have been more suspicious. They count on my for their survival and protection - and I let them down.
Off to the store, of course, to get ready. I am delving into an area I do not typically dwell in in my world - the conscious preparation of killing an animal. It unsettles me greatly. But then I remember the words of Gene Logsdon, that wise sage of country living, who says that "Mother Nature could just as easily be called Old B**** Nature."
And I am angry - angry perhaps without cause, but angry none the less. Angry at this animal that has attacked a harmless bird - no, a harmless bird under my protection. Yes, someone can make the argument that it is merely doing what rats do in the wild.
Fine. Go do it somewhere else.
It is at these moments I think sometimes the entertainment industry does a great dis-service to us all by anthropomorphizing animals. People think of things like rats and they thing of The Rats of Nimh or The Tale of Despardeux or The Great Mouse Detective: animals that speak and have feelings - maybe a little evil perhaps, but none the less that are conscious, sentient beings that act rationally.
The sad reality - the one I find myself painfully reminded of this morning - is that this is not the case at all. The rat is acting as it is wont to act in nature: find and secure a food source. Not sing, not find a way to co-exist - find a food source.
As the Ents said in The Two Towers "We go, we go, we go to war to hew the stone and break the door."
But I am none to happy about it.
Friday, December 26, 2014
A New Writing Utensil
So yesterday for Christmas The Ravishing Mrs. TB got me a new computer.
This was unexpected. But very welcome.
Currently the laptop I have been using was one we purchased as an original refurbished model in 2011 (I think) after my first laptop - the remaining item I owned from The Firm - died on us. The laptop served in good stead but seems (like most older technology) to be chugging along after a while - it literally took the thing 30 minutes to start up to the point that I could make use of it. Apparently I had been making enough complaints about the thing and apparently someone had a deal that could not be ignored - and thus, the computer under the tree appeared.
The single biggest significant difference? My old laptop had approximately 20 GB of memory. My new unit has 450 GB.
There are other differences as well: no CD drive (but then again, when was the last time I loaded a CD ), no installed Office style program (apparently Microsoft wants you to buy their on-line things now; I may try that or just see if I can outright purchase what I need - after all, beyond Word and Excel, what do I truly use?) and the whole general set up of the start and opening page (which, regrettably, is exactly what I am having to deal with at work as well. I do not like it one bit). It even has all four arrows in place of the three plus the missing down key I currently use.
But those are probably things that can be worked out. The screen is huge. The speed at which the thing starts up is amazing (to me, anyway). The unit itself is remarkably light - no Airbook to be sure, but certainly a huge difference from my current unit.
What a pleasant and geniuine surprise - and what a joy to know that I can go into the new year armed with a new tool to write with. I had better make sure my writing is equally up to snuff.
This was unexpected. But very welcome.
Currently the laptop I have been using was one we purchased as an original refurbished model in 2011 (I think) after my first laptop - the remaining item I owned from The Firm - died on us. The laptop served in good stead but seems (like most older technology) to be chugging along after a while - it literally took the thing 30 minutes to start up to the point that I could make use of it. Apparently I had been making enough complaints about the thing and apparently someone had a deal that could not be ignored - and thus, the computer under the tree appeared.
The single biggest significant difference? My old laptop had approximately 20 GB of memory. My new unit has 450 GB.
There are other differences as well: no CD drive (but then again, when was the last time I loaded a CD ), no installed Office style program (apparently Microsoft wants you to buy their on-line things now; I may try that or just see if I can outright purchase what I need - after all, beyond Word and Excel, what do I truly use?) and the whole general set up of the start and opening page (which, regrettably, is exactly what I am having to deal with at work as well. I do not like it one bit). It even has all four arrows in place of the three plus the missing down key I currently use.
But those are probably things that can be worked out. The screen is huge. The speed at which the thing starts up is amazing (to me, anyway). The unit itself is remarkably light - no Airbook to be sure, but certainly a huge difference from my current unit.
What a pleasant and geniuine surprise - and what a joy to know that I can go into the new year armed with a new tool to write with. I had better make sure my writing is equally up to snuff.
Thursday, December 25, 2014
Merry Christmas 2014
"Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. And this will be a sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manager.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, goodwill towards men!" - Luke 2: 10-14
Nollick ghennal erriu! (Merry Christmas!)
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
Tuesday, December 23, 2014
Speed and Void
Swept along by speed of time, I suddenly find myself at Christmas.
How did this happen? Surely the year cannot be so far spent already? It hardly seems like any time has passed at all - and certainly not enough to legitimize the end of the year being here. There was so much I had left to do this year that did not get accomplished. Instead, so much got buried and lost by tasks that mean little more than paying to exist.
This is one of the parts of life that saddens me the most, I suppose: the realization that I have spent so much of my time laboring (almost seventeen years by my count) for something that I have nothing to show for except a collection of things and the house that I live in. Most of that labor has not resulting in anything of lasting value or in the sorts of changes that one can look back and point to: documents and signatures are hardly the sorts of things that pass the test of time - or matter.
This is the most depressing part of days like today, where the speed of life catches up with one and end of the year makes one realize how quickly it flies: the fact that little of it truly seems to have mattered. And this is where staring down the road of the future makes things even less exciting: can I imagine doing another twenty years of this for the privilege of "retirement"?
I crave - oh, how I crave - to do something with meaning, something of lasting value. Something that one can say with pride "I did that - and look at the difference it made". Something that matters.
Something that will not leave me at the end of the year looking back and saying "Is that it? I was hoping for something more."
How did this happen? Surely the year cannot be so far spent already? It hardly seems like any time has passed at all - and certainly not enough to legitimize the end of the year being here. There was so much I had left to do this year that did not get accomplished. Instead, so much got buried and lost by tasks that mean little more than paying to exist.
This is one of the parts of life that saddens me the most, I suppose: the realization that I have spent so much of my time laboring (almost seventeen years by my count) for something that I have nothing to show for except a collection of things and the house that I live in. Most of that labor has not resulting in anything of lasting value or in the sorts of changes that one can look back and point to: documents and signatures are hardly the sorts of things that pass the test of time - or matter.
This is the most depressing part of days like today, where the speed of life catches up with one and end of the year makes one realize how quickly it flies: the fact that little of it truly seems to have mattered. And this is where staring down the road of the future makes things even less exciting: can I imagine doing another twenty years of this for the privilege of "retirement"?
I crave - oh, how I crave - to do something with meaning, something of lasting value. Something that one can say with pride "I did that - and look at the difference it made". Something that matters.
Something that will not leave me at the end of the year looking back and saying "Is that it? I was hoping for something more."
Monday, December 22, 2014
Points of Despair
Occasionally I reach the point when I despair of parts of my life. Not all parts, mind you - in lots of ways a lot of things seem to be going as well as they ever have right now. Some of the semi-important ones actually, which is always a good thing.
But somehow there always seem to be the outliers. And sometimes they are very important.
What does one do in such situations? Especially when they are some of the critical things of life?
I have tried various approaches: pretending that I could just work around those particular areas. Wandering off into my imagination to find worlds where such problems did not exist. Gritting my teeth and attempting to just work through it. Trying to be optimistic that things were going to change and get better.
The reality, of course, is that none of these approaches will actually work. Why? Because the fail to deal with the underlying problem (the "root cause", as we so often call them at work). So the solution would seem fairly easy, right? Just deal with the root cause.
So why can I not do that?
Some of them, of course, are circumstances outside of my control where I can only partially address causes but perhaps not the main cause - for example, I can be the best worker in the world and do what I can, but my ability to get promoted or get another job ultimately rest on factors that I cannot control.
But some of them remain fully within my control. Yet I fail to address them. Why?
Fear? Fear of what? Certainly nothing I am going to confront is anything close to causing my death. Fear of discomfort then? Yes, perhaps that - but is discomfort any worse than the un-comfort I feel now?
The fact remains that something needs to be done. The clarity and flowing water that is moving through some parts of my life is only exposing the remaining stones more clearly.
But somehow there always seem to be the outliers. And sometimes they are very important.
What does one do in such situations? Especially when they are some of the critical things of life?
I have tried various approaches: pretending that I could just work around those particular areas. Wandering off into my imagination to find worlds where such problems did not exist. Gritting my teeth and attempting to just work through it. Trying to be optimistic that things were going to change and get better.
The reality, of course, is that none of these approaches will actually work. Why? Because the fail to deal with the underlying problem (the "root cause", as we so often call them at work). So the solution would seem fairly easy, right? Just deal with the root cause.
So why can I not do that?
Some of them, of course, are circumstances outside of my control where I can only partially address causes but perhaps not the main cause - for example, I can be the best worker in the world and do what I can, but my ability to get promoted or get another job ultimately rest on factors that I cannot control.
But some of them remain fully within my control. Yet I fail to address them. Why?
Fear? Fear of what? Certainly nothing I am going to confront is anything close to causing my death. Fear of discomfort then? Yes, perhaps that - but is discomfort any worse than the un-comfort I feel now?
The fact remains that something needs to be done. The clarity and flowing water that is moving through some parts of my life is only exposing the remaining stones more clearly.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Thursday, December 18, 2014
A Request
Not a deep post today. I'd ask that you do me a favor.
My friend G of GPS Music (he has posted here from time to time) had an actual tragedy in his life this week: his wife of 4 years M, his high school sweetheart, passed away in her sleep last night. She had been suffering from fibomyalgia and a number of other health conditions but this still was apparently a surprise as she was my age - far too young to pass. She leaves behind her own three sons as well as her five step children and her husband, himself suffering from a rare disease that impacts his mobility. Her position in heaven is assured; her family will still grieve.
I never know what to say in these situations. "I'm sorry" or "I'll pray" sometimes seem as contrite as they do the thing you need to say. Often there is little you can actually do for the people involved. So I would ask that you do something in the name of the people involved.
My favor? Today just go do one unmerited, unasked for, generous deed. Could be something you always do but just were not going to today. Could be something you might never do. Could be something you have never thought of doing before. That is okay - it does not matter what, it just matters that it gets done.
Thank you in advance for honoring M and G.
My friend G of GPS Music (he has posted here from time to time) had an actual tragedy in his life this week: his wife of 4 years M, his high school sweetheart, passed away in her sleep last night. She had been suffering from fibomyalgia and a number of other health conditions but this still was apparently a surprise as she was my age - far too young to pass. She leaves behind her own three sons as well as her five step children and her husband, himself suffering from a rare disease that impacts his mobility. Her position in heaven is assured; her family will still grieve.
I never know what to say in these situations. "I'm sorry" or "I'll pray" sometimes seem as contrite as they do the thing you need to say. Often there is little you can actually do for the people involved. So I would ask that you do something in the name of the people involved.
My favor? Today just go do one unmerited, unasked for, generous deed. Could be something you always do but just were not going to today. Could be something you might never do. Could be something you have never thought of doing before. That is okay - it does not matter what, it just matters that it gets done.
Thank you in advance for honoring M and G.
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Review Time
Time for the annual reviews.
Never a pleasant process and one that I always dread to some extent. Our form is certainly more user friendly this year and far less difficult to complete, but there is still is the inevitable sense of slight dread that comes over one when completing the review of an entire year in a relatively small amount of pages.
As part of the process I referred back to my 2013 review to see my objectives for last year. And found that I could not look at it.
Seeing that review - seeing those words - sent me back to last year, really the last five years. All the old feelings came up again: the lack of empowerment, the constant sense of being unsupported, The words echo back from the paper: "TB is not this. TB did not do this. TB did everything but it was simply not enough to move ahead. Ultimately, TB failed to show the proper deference to me"
TB, shut up and accept your lot.
I could not look at it again. I started to, got about two sentences in, and then put it aside. That represents such a blot on my life, such an aberration of what I have come to experience from all my other managers, that I chose to put it down and away.
In a nutshell, the review represents everything that I feel like I fight against sometimes. Expectations without directions. Targets without definition. Vague promises about will happen with belief that they will be backed up or acted upon. The proclamation that we are a merit based system but the reality that we are system too often based on how you make me feel as a superior. And the reality that all the effort in the world will not move the needle for many people.
In other words, it represents an unhealthy work situation.
Perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to seriously reconsider my options.
Never a pleasant process and one that I always dread to some extent. Our form is certainly more user friendly this year and far less difficult to complete, but there is still is the inevitable sense of slight dread that comes over one when completing the review of an entire year in a relatively small amount of pages.
As part of the process I referred back to my 2013 review to see my objectives for last year. And found that I could not look at it.
Seeing that review - seeing those words - sent me back to last year, really the last five years. All the old feelings came up again: the lack of empowerment, the constant sense of being unsupported, The words echo back from the paper: "TB is not this. TB did not do this. TB did everything but it was simply not enough to move ahead. Ultimately, TB failed to show the proper deference to me"
TB, shut up and accept your lot.
I could not look at it again. I started to, got about two sentences in, and then put it aside. That represents such a blot on my life, such an aberration of what I have come to experience from all my other managers, that I chose to put it down and away.
In a nutshell, the review represents everything that I feel like I fight against sometimes. Expectations without directions. Targets without definition. Vague promises about will happen with belief that they will be backed up or acted upon. The proclamation that we are a merit based system but the reality that we are system too often based on how you make me feel as a superior. And the reality that all the effort in the world will not move the needle for many people.
In other words, it represents an unhealthy work situation.
Perhaps, just perhaps, it is time to seriously reconsider my options.
Tuesday, December 16, 2014
Going to Katsuura
So I have set at least one goal for 2016: going to Katsuura.
Katsuura is a both a place (I think) in Japan as well as the annual training lead by the headmaster of my order. It is held for two to three weeks in Japan. And I want to go.
Perhaps need to go is a little more accurate. The reality is this: no matter how hard I train, the chances I will ever travel to throw worldwide are, well, minimal. Katsuura is something that is within my power to do.
Training all day. For two weeks. Who is not going to get better and more focused doing that?
But it requires a fair amount of planning. These things just do not happen overnight, of course. Plane fare alone will be close to $1000. And then there is the actual training (from what I understand it is very reasonable, but it still has to be paid for). And the time off from work, of course - 3 weeks at one time is a bit more than most people do.
It can all be done, of course - but it starts with a commitment, a commitment that I am going to Katsuura in 2016. Once I say it - once I say it to others and believe it - then there is not reason that it cannot be so. It merely becomes a game of numbers.
Ikimashoo! Let's Go!
Monday, December 15, 2014
On Finishing
So I finished the manuscript of my latest book tonight.
It has been languishing since September, when I stopped work on it because it did not feel "right". But it did not feel as not right as what I tried to type in November - it was not so much a painful experience as writing as it was I seemed to have reached a block.
But on Saturday I decided that it needed to be done. So I sat down and did it.
It took surprisingly little time - a little over two hours. The words that would not come for months suddenly flowed through my fingers like electricity.
In a way, I have to finish. I have other ideas that I want to move on to, but I find that I cannot move on to the next. It is as if the idea gets lodged in my head and it will not allow me to go forward unless I complete what I am working on. Not a bad habit, really - it just sometimes seems annoying at the time, when you are ready to move on and cannot (which, actually, is one of my biggest issues: not sticking with things long enough to truly succeed).
Just because I am finished does not mean that I am done, of course: there is still a lot of editing to be done (a great deal probably, since this essentially written in two different time frames) with the catching of spelling errors and rough words - and then the fun part of course: cover design.
But today I will be glad in the fact that finished is finished. I can still hold to - and finish - things I start.
It has been languishing since September, when I stopped work on it because it did not feel "right". But it did not feel as not right as what I tried to type in November - it was not so much a painful experience as writing as it was I seemed to have reached a block.
But on Saturday I decided that it needed to be done. So I sat down and did it.
It took surprisingly little time - a little over two hours. The words that would not come for months suddenly flowed through my fingers like electricity.
In a way, I have to finish. I have other ideas that I want to move on to, but I find that I cannot move on to the next. It is as if the idea gets lodged in my head and it will not allow me to go forward unless I complete what I am working on. Not a bad habit, really - it just sometimes seems annoying at the time, when you are ready to move on and cannot (which, actually, is one of my biggest issues: not sticking with things long enough to truly succeed).
Just because I am finished does not mean that I am done, of course: there is still a lot of editing to be done (a great deal probably, since this essentially written in two different time frames) with the catching of spelling errors and rough words - and then the fun part of course: cover design.
But today I will be glad in the fact that finished is finished. I can still hold to - and finish - things I start.
Friday, December 12, 2014
The Moment of Commitment
The moment of confusion when you throw yourself into something fully, not knowing precisely where it will lead.
It is an odd thing, commitment: that moment before which the thing was not as and important and the moment after when the the thing is the most important thing in the world. It can be a conscious deciding, a deliberative move of the mind which comes about after hours of agonizing thought. It can also be a seemingly innocuous move, something which seems to almost be done on the spur of the moment.
Either way, the world looks completely different after the fact. Events, people, even time - the stuff of life itself - takes on a new meaning. No longer are there seemingly random events or things that just happen: everything needs to be put into the matrix of the thing which has been committed to. The world focuses down to doing anything which moves you one step closer.
The odd thing is that for most of us, I suspect the moment of commitment is kept as a vague event for something which we cannot fully imagine - because if we truly comprehended all that we would have to do, all that would be required of us, everything that would happen in the pursuit the thing, we would turn away in fright and terror. Because the realization at that time - the commitment, the choices, the pain, the agony - become far too real while the end of the commitment - the achievement - becomes far too ethereal.
But make no mistake: the choice once made, whether planned or not fully thought out, will result in the same thing if stuck to and carried out: achievement. Achievement because the choice, the commitment, was made.
It is an odd thing, commitment: that moment before which the thing was not as and important and the moment after when the the thing is the most important thing in the world. It can be a conscious deciding, a deliberative move of the mind which comes about after hours of agonizing thought. It can also be a seemingly innocuous move, something which seems to almost be done on the spur of the moment.
Either way, the world looks completely different after the fact. Events, people, even time - the stuff of life itself - takes on a new meaning. No longer are there seemingly random events or things that just happen: everything needs to be put into the matrix of the thing which has been committed to. The world focuses down to doing anything which moves you one step closer.
The odd thing is that for most of us, I suspect the moment of commitment is kept as a vague event for something which we cannot fully imagine - because if we truly comprehended all that we would have to do, all that would be required of us, everything that would happen in the pursuit the thing, we would turn away in fright and terror. Because the realization at that time - the commitment, the choices, the pain, the agony - become far too real while the end of the commitment - the achievement - becomes far too ethereal.
But make no mistake: the choice once made, whether planned or not fully thought out, will result in the same thing if stuck to and carried out: achievement. Achievement because the choice, the commitment, was made.
Thursday, December 11, 2014
The Pull System
At work we are trying to convert to a pull system.
A pull system, for those who do not know, is a principle of organizational management where a product or service is pulled through the system by the next step in the process until it reaches the final destination. The push system, its opposite, is a principle whereby the current step pushes the product or service through its system to the next step. The product or service keeps moving; it is just who does the movement that is the difference.
A push system - what I am typically used to - to me has the advantage of making sure the current step completes their actions before moving on. This disadvantage, I suppose, is that one is kept waiting until the step is complete before moving on.
The pull system - which we are trying to convert to - seems to have some advantages: the process can move more successfully as the next step needs the previous step to continue processing and rate limiting factors may be more easily identified. However there is one issue that seems to be of concern to me, something I hate: the loss of responsibility.
In the push system, the current process holder is 100% responsible for ensuring that everything is complete before moving it to the next step. If something is not ready to go, it is the responsibility of the current holder to complete it. In the pull system, the next or even ultimate step is theoretically responsible for moving things to the next step. The current process holder will complete their task and simply wait for the next process holder to come and take it off of their plate. Maybe they transfer it. Maybe not. And any failure to move things along becomes the fault of the "puller", who failed to ask the question.
It bothers me (and I find it to be inefficient in its current incarnation) because the view of everyone except the ultimate stopping point (my group, in this case) is that "I did my part. I do not have to do anything more. In fact, I may not even have to make the effort to bring it to you or correct errors. It is your job to ask the questions and fix the gaps."
It seems, well, counter intuitive to the maintenance of a functional system. People get separated even farther in silos of what I do and what somebody else does. There is no longer any sense of process overall; instead, my world has organized itself into the slot I have to do. In fact, I may not care if the whole thing gets done - after all, that's not my part or even my responsibility.
Which is okay, I suppose. Just understand that instead of training individuals who work things to completion you are training individuals to work through there part and be done. Good training for drones, not so good training for building independent and completion oriented leaders.
A pull system, for those who do not know, is a principle of organizational management where a product or service is pulled through the system by the next step in the process until it reaches the final destination. The push system, its opposite, is a principle whereby the current step pushes the product or service through its system to the next step. The product or service keeps moving; it is just who does the movement that is the difference.
A push system - what I am typically used to - to me has the advantage of making sure the current step completes their actions before moving on. This disadvantage, I suppose, is that one is kept waiting until the step is complete before moving on.
The pull system - which we are trying to convert to - seems to have some advantages: the process can move more successfully as the next step needs the previous step to continue processing and rate limiting factors may be more easily identified. However there is one issue that seems to be of concern to me, something I hate: the loss of responsibility.
In the push system, the current process holder is 100% responsible for ensuring that everything is complete before moving it to the next step. If something is not ready to go, it is the responsibility of the current holder to complete it. In the pull system, the next or even ultimate step is theoretically responsible for moving things to the next step. The current process holder will complete their task and simply wait for the next process holder to come and take it off of their plate. Maybe they transfer it. Maybe not. And any failure to move things along becomes the fault of the "puller", who failed to ask the question.
It bothers me (and I find it to be inefficient in its current incarnation) because the view of everyone except the ultimate stopping point (my group, in this case) is that "I did my part. I do not have to do anything more. In fact, I may not even have to make the effort to bring it to you or correct errors. It is your job to ask the questions and fix the gaps."
It seems, well, counter intuitive to the maintenance of a functional system. People get separated even farther in silos of what I do and what somebody else does. There is no longer any sense of process overall; instead, my world has organized itself into the slot I have to do. In fact, I may not care if the whole thing gets done - after all, that's not my part or even my responsibility.
Which is okay, I suppose. Just understand that instead of training individuals who work things to completion you are training individuals to work through there part and be done. Good training for drones, not so good training for building independent and completion oriented leaders.
Wednesday, December 10, 2014
Tuesday, December 09, 2014
On Picking Up Where One Left Off
I picked up at a writing place I have not visited in 3 months.
It was a book I was working on, a book that seemed to be going not quite as well as I had hoped - the narrative did not seem to flow correctly or well and the characters seemed, well, wooden. So I set it aside, thinking that I would get back to it in a little while. And then a little while got longer
I tried to work on something else for Nanowrimo, but found that the genera of the book was not working out. The simple reality is this: I like to write - and believe I am good at writing - a certain kind of book, the parable. That is how I think and how I seem to write. Other forms just seem less fluid and more forced.
So last night I went back to the manuscript I had. Re-reading it, I suddenly thought "This is not nearly as bad as I remember". Sure, the characters were a little rough and the plot not nearly as well developed as I would of liked, but I did stop in the middle of writing it, after all.
Ironically it was Nighean Dhonn that decided me fully last night. She sat at the table last night writing a starter story on what she would do if she was an eraser. Her dedication to sitting at the table and writing in pencil made me question my own - after all, if she can write for half an hour surely I can.
Because I forgot the most basic rule of writing: write. Always. Even if it seems terrible and even if you do not like the way that it sounds. Just keep writing your way through it. Because if you do not write, you simply will never get through the part that you do not like to a place where you do.
It was a book I was working on, a book that seemed to be going not quite as well as I had hoped - the narrative did not seem to flow correctly or well and the characters seemed, well, wooden. So I set it aside, thinking that I would get back to it in a little while. And then a little while got longer
I tried to work on something else for Nanowrimo, but found that the genera of the book was not working out. The simple reality is this: I like to write - and believe I am good at writing - a certain kind of book, the parable. That is how I think and how I seem to write. Other forms just seem less fluid and more forced.
So last night I went back to the manuscript I had. Re-reading it, I suddenly thought "This is not nearly as bad as I remember". Sure, the characters were a little rough and the plot not nearly as well developed as I would of liked, but I did stop in the middle of writing it, after all.
Ironically it was Nighean Dhonn that decided me fully last night. She sat at the table last night writing a starter story on what she would do if she was an eraser. Her dedication to sitting at the table and writing in pencil made me question my own - after all, if she can write for half an hour surely I can.
Because I forgot the most basic rule of writing: write. Always. Even if it seems terrible and even if you do not like the way that it sounds. Just keep writing your way through it. Because if you do not write, you simply will never get through the part that you do not like to a place where you do.
Monday, December 08, 2014
Goals and Change
"Goals allow you to control the direction of change in your favor." - Brian Tracy
After I read this yesterday, I buried it in the back of my mind, the place I keep quotes which pique my interest a bit but do not really seem like something I would write down or post. It sat there all yesterday as I walked through the day, quietly percolating its way through my consciousness. And then, when I needed a quote, it reappeared.
And made me think all the more.
I have written - perhaps more extensively than I had intended - about goals, in general and specifically my own. As I have said in times past, goals are somewhat difficult for me: I either set too many or set them too high or I fail to set them at all. And even when I do, it often feels as if they are in a sort of isolation from both other goals and the rest of my life.
But this quote puts them in a slightly different context.
Goals, at least per this quote, are not just things to set and do. Goals are something which are addressing a need which is already present, a need to grapple with life - and specifically the changes of it. Life is changing -sometimes it seems it is changing faster than ever. But goals, suggests Tracy, allow us to channel that change somewhat, to move the needle in a direction where we are heading instead of being driven like a ship before the storm.
Goals can anchor us - they place us solidly in the things which we think are important and have merit in our lives, the things we believe we should be spending our lives on. At the same time goals allow us to direct that change that we see around us: if we are placed in a stream which is moving and flowing (which we all are), goals help us to move towards one channel or another.
I do not know that goals will instantly become easier for me to set for this coming year, as I always tend to struggle with them. But thinking of them as controlling direction instead of mere endpoints will certainly change how I look at them.
After I read this yesterday, I buried it in the back of my mind, the place I keep quotes which pique my interest a bit but do not really seem like something I would write down or post. It sat there all yesterday as I walked through the day, quietly percolating its way through my consciousness. And then, when I needed a quote, it reappeared.
And made me think all the more.
I have written - perhaps more extensively than I had intended - about goals, in general and specifically my own. As I have said in times past, goals are somewhat difficult for me: I either set too many or set them too high or I fail to set them at all. And even when I do, it often feels as if they are in a sort of isolation from both other goals and the rest of my life.
But this quote puts them in a slightly different context.
Goals, at least per this quote, are not just things to set and do. Goals are something which are addressing a need which is already present, a need to grapple with life - and specifically the changes of it. Life is changing -sometimes it seems it is changing faster than ever. But goals, suggests Tracy, allow us to channel that change somewhat, to move the needle in a direction where we are heading instead of being driven like a ship before the storm.
Goals can anchor us - they place us solidly in the things which we think are important and have merit in our lives, the things we believe we should be spending our lives on. At the same time goals allow us to direct that change that we see around us: if we are placed in a stream which is moving and flowing (which we all are), goals help us to move towards one channel or another.
I do not know that goals will instantly become easier for me to set for this coming year, as I always tend to struggle with them. But thinking of them as controlling direction instead of mere endpoints will certainly change how I look at them.
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