Letting Go of the Need for Pleasing Others

I am finding that one of the hardest things to let go of is the continual sense of wanting to deeply please others to have them like me.

This is an old feeling, one that stems from a long way back in my own history.  It is not a bad quality in general of course:  if people feel pleasantly about your or concerning you, they are more likely to help you out or do what you ask.  That is a fine thing and certainly a cornerstone of general human interactions.  But it tends to consume your life when in moves into the personal realm as well.

It becomes an anchor - a thing which constantly holds one back from doing or trying other things.  One is always concerned with what others are thinking about you and how that impacts whether or not they like (or even love) you.  All one's actions become a series of carefully constructed events, while one carefully watches out of one's eye for the slightest hint (real or imagined) that the other either likes or dislikes what is being done.  Even the slightest hint of disapproval is enough to stop enjoyment of an activity; even the slightest hint of approval is enough to propel one into greater efforts.

This is  a fool's game, of course:  one becomes a construct of the likes and dislikes of others rather than one's own person.  Not only are interests and activities pursued based on what the other may think, but unchecked our very lives become not our own but what we think someone else things our lives should be like.

It is a terrible way to live.

What is the solution?  The simplest and yet most difficult of all things: simply be yourself.

Simply be yourself, unfettered by the potential likes or dislikes of those around you.  Pursue - truly pursue - those things which interest you.  Pay scant attention to those whose approval you used to seek as to their opinion of it.  Whether they like or dislike it is neither indicator of their level of like or dislike of you nor of the value you have as a person.

Because in the end, you will be you.  Truly you.  You will find those kindred spirits for whom such things hold interest.  And you will also find that the opinions of those who you thought mattered did not really matter at all.