What do you do when everything you give is not enough?
I left work yesterday. I had just completed a SWOT (Strengths, Weaknesses, Opportunities, Threats) for an upcoming series of events. Looking at the presentation - which, while fun to create, consumed almost an hour - I suddenly was overwhelmed by the amount of work that needed to performed to make all of that happen.
And then I started considering the (rather long) list of items I still have to accomplish to be able to "take" a vacation next week when we visitors. At this point it is almost a given that I will have to work one or more days this weekend just to clear out my inbox and desk, let alone to make any progress towards the SWOT analysis listed above.
In others words, I am tired. And I have a great deal that is expected of me - so much, in fact, that it seems that the only way to accomplish it all is to work semi-heroic hours to make it all happen.
To what end? This is the part that bothers me. There is really no carrot here, only a series of stick avoidance techniques. If I am successful in doing everything that needs to be done? It will tend to disappear back into the woodwork of daily activities. The time sunk in will be time lost forever, memories faded as soon as the next emergency arises. A new set of tasks, equally as critical, equally as many, will appear on the horizon. And, ultimately, this work will fade into the pastiche of my life of things I have worked on and companies I have worked for which no longer exist.
And if by the grace of God I am able to accomplish all of this, does this become the new "level" of expected activity?
Where does such a thought process end? Is the expectation that one will simple continue to double and triple down until, weighed down by the inability to go further, one is cast aside? Or is that one works to the point of failure - mental, physical - and attempt on the back side to recover from the aftermath?
I sense myself be drawn in to what I have to do. What I enjoy doing, what I would like to do, seems to be receding at a faster and faster pace for the reality of my life.
Perhaps this is simply the nature of things. But I seem to be unable to see the ultimate benefit of it.