Tuesday, May 23, 2017

The Dream Killers

You would think after so many years that the Dream Killers would still not impact you so powerfully.

The Dream Killers - those about us who somehow manage to find a way to poke holes in expressed hopes and dreams, who quietly - or loudly - deflate things which are presented to them.  The people who, as Jeffrey Gitomer says, "Rain on your parade because they do not have a parade of their own."

Present them with a financial dream and they will find reasons that it can never come to pass.  Present them with a personal dream and they will suggest that best it will not make a difference at all, at worst it is unachievable.  Tell them a spiritual dream and you will probably get an okay, as long it is remains practical and does not interfere with getting on with life.

Maybe there are people out there that are strong enough that such things do not bother them. I am not one of those people:  I can always feel the moment when my spirit sinks - instantly - when the response comes.  "Deflates" was not just an invented word; it is the real feeling in my soul one moment after the words are said. I can literally feel the hole opened up and the dream quietly escaping.

It is hard to come back from such moments.  Every attempt to rebuild the shattered core collapses back down, like a sand castle after the waves have soaked the sand.  The lowered level of expectations creep in:  the "Well, I could not have anyway" and "What was I thinking" and "I suppose I should be practical".  And there is a low numbness that spreads throughout my spirit, a clinging miasma that dampens even the thought of thinking  a more uplifting thought?

Oddly enough, the one reaction that is normal from such an encounter - an increased silence and closing up - is the most unexpected response of all to the Dream Killer.  It is as if they have no idea what they have done and are genuinely surprised that their comments - which I imagine are meant as practical advice - have instead deeply cut and wounded.

The reaction - again, probably unexpected -is that the dreams and the Dreamers simply go underground in their souls.  Hidden behind many quiet and careful facades - perhaps more than we could expect - are  the passionate hearts of those who have learned through the painful coin of experience that dreams are actually not simply to be shared en masse with every person one meets.

Not everyone, it turns out, is a Dreamer.


kymber said...

TB - you take whatever dreams you have and you LIVE THEM! naysayers be damned! sometimes, in my experience, those naysayers are actually providing practical advice - like - don't let jambaloney, who only has 2 months of driving experience, drive you and your 2 cats, who you love more than anything, drive you and your cats 1,600km in the middle of winter to your 3 season cottage.

jeesh. really wished i had have listened to those naysayers.

but we didn't listen...we did it...it was freakin ridiculous...and we could have had it so much easier if we had have waited a year!!!

but no. don't listen to them. dream your dreams. have your dreams. make your dreams. even if they are ridiculous! your soul will never lead you astray. your soul will tell you what to dream. and no matter how ridiculous it might sound to other people - noah had a dream. jacob had a dream. mary had a dream.

if i have a dream i take it seriously. that's why i have jambaloney and 4 stray cats. and a river. and a place to put my head when i need to cry - either on jambaloney or on one of those 4 cats.


sending much love as always! our friend,

Rain said...

I have someone like that in my life and I can very much relate to that deflating feeling. In fact, I often think to myself "why burst my bubble?" or "why piss all over my ideas?"...this person has some kind of superiority complex and always has a criticism, a doubtful reply or some kind of "wisdom" as to why such and such is a "pipe dream". It upsets my self-esteem and I do feel like giving up sometimes, but then I remind myself, that person is just trying to drag me down with him and I'm not going to let him. It's hard though, I'm a sensitive soul and feel negative energy a million times worse than I wish I did.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Kymber, the thought of you and four cats in a car with Jam driving two months made me laugh out loud.

Thank you for the kind thoughts and the pep talk. I am sure I will recover - it just felt extra special devastating because it came from a quarter I did not expect on an issue that I did not think was controversial. Honestly, it has shaken me a great deal more than I had anticipated from the exchange itself.

I forget - and have to consistently remind myself - that sharing dreams is really something that needs to be done a great deal less than it feels like it should be done. Not that this means one should not go achieve them - just that one should just go and do it and explain everything after the fact.

Much love, TB

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

It sometimes feels that way, does it not Rain? Even if you do not think it a practical thing, at least say nothing if you cannot be supportive.

I remember a quote from somewhere (no idea where): "Never take away or make fun of people's dreams. It may be all they have."