So I have an issue that I need to discuss and that I have recently actually been willing to admit to:
I have a small problem with alcohol.
It is not big in the sense that it is a problem 7 days a week. It is not big in the sense that I hide my drinking. But it is big that when I do, I cannot have just one.
(To be clear, this is a bit embarrassing and humiliating to write. After all, I am over 50 at this point and should have things better in hand.)
I have always had a somewhat tempestuous relationship with alcohol - mostly because, like a great many people, once I start drinking I do not want the feeling of lack of inhibition to stop (to those who do not know, there is a reason they call it "Courage In A Bottle"). I have managed to avoid serious harm to myself and others but have occasionally embarrassed myself and some of those around me.
I have always rejected the slice of Christianity that rejects alcohol out of hand (I am pretty clear on what Scripture does and does not say in this regard) and, being somewhat stubbornly myself, have always felt that such a thing which was not clearly forbidden by Scripture but enforced as if it was to be the worst sort of authoritarianism and going beyond what God clearly states. And I still believe that.
At the same time, I find myself in the position where my self control (which is also something that God clearly speaks about) is being consistently overwhelmed when I do have a drink. And if my self control is overwhelmed there, it will undoubtedly be overwhelmed in other areas as well.
Why is this becoming an issue now? It has always been there, of course, but I do not wonder if the struggles I am going through right at moment - and in some cases finding myself at a loss for what to do in general - are pushing me towards some kind of "stress" relief.
The whole point of this, of course, is that it needs to stop. Pretty quickly.
I have never (and will never) criticize or comment on other people's ability or willingness to enjoy a glass of beer or wine. But I have reached the point where such a thing, which may be allowed for others, can no longer be allowed for me.