When To Go

How do you know when it is time to move on?

I was discussing this last night in the context of the situations of employees that I have dealt with last night.  I believe (and maintain) that it is the job of managers to ensure that those who work for them develop themselves to the fullest, even if it is not at the current place of employment.  All jobs, like food, have expiration dates:  those who are aware understand what those are and help others to see them.  But what happens when you are the one involved in the discussion, not someone else?

It is interesting because there is a direct comparison with marriage in this case - another relationship where we can spend our whole lives but where many end up feeling that is time to move on before the "death do us part"  stage.  And yet there are cases of marriages lasting 60 years.  Obviously there is not a complete comparison - there is seldom romance about a job and children are (usually) not involved - but many people go in thinking one thing and leave before they thought they would thinking something else.  Are there any signs or things that can be bridged?

1)  Inability to Grow:  This is the one that immediately jumps out at me.  It is time to go from a job when there is no ability to grow further in your position.  One can only perform the same tasks with little difference from year to year before inertia begins to set in.  The same can be said of failed marriages:  How often have we heard from separating couples "We were no longer growing in our relationship"?

2)  Inability to Move Past Emotions:  Bad things happen at work:  careers are stymied based on incorrect assumptions, decisions affecting individuals are made without consulting them which turn out to be unsuccessful, bosses play favorites.  Some are able to take this in and move on; others cling to the past as evidence of how things will go in the future.  When this sort of bitter clinging becomes endemic in an individual, it is probably time for them to move on - much like in a failing marriage where one individual cannot get beyond the feelings of bitterness and anger that them have.  For at that point no matter what changes are made, it is likely that it will not be seen as enough.

3)  Inability to Imagine a Different Future:  When an individual can no longer see that they place they are at has a path forward  - perhaps not specifically to them but to the organization as a whole - they have one of two choices:  remain knowing that things have little chance of changing or move on.  If they become trapped in their vision of the future, they quite often will begin to act as if their contributions make no difference - and why would you, when your actions make no impact on the ultimate outcome of things.  Again, as in work, as in marriage:  people stop caring when they believe that their efforts are (and will always be) unrecognized and what they have now is what they will have forever.

Why are these indicators that one should move on?  Because extrapolated to their logical conclusion, one finds an individual who is trapped where they are with no hope of moving forward, no hope of a different outcome, and a hard core of anger or resentment that tinges their every day interactions. 

The odd thing is that when these are not dealt with they can become a self fulfilling prophecy:  the one who is not growing and exudes hard feelings, trapped in a narrative of what they feel likely to happen, is often the the individual who is seen as the most expendable when a change needs to be made.

So the question is not really how we should guide others to this realization.  The question is, how do we guide ourselves?