God got my attention yesterday:
1) I got an e-mail from at work indicating that I was the holdup on a major project at work. Senior management was carbon copied on the e-mail.
I felt like being two steps away from screaming "I quit". I know why it was done - someone needed the item taken care off, and chose to go this route to get it done.
I was angry because already that day I had been doing things to support clients - getting documentation into order to support projects, catching up on old projects, etc. My reward: You're the roadblock.
I came home and spent an hour at night ensuring that everything was in order, dreading the thought as I did it "You missed X" - but it could not afford not to be done.
I get angry just writing about it.
But did it serve me well? What did I desire, what was I denied?
Respect. Acknowledgement - indeed, worship. validation. To be seen as respected - not treated as recalcitrant.
I struggled today with going in, being Christlike, not showing anger, meeting everyones' requests humbly, not asking for recognition.
I hate it. I want to be respected and desired so badly, I could cry
Friend,
ReplyDeleteI respect you. I always have. Lots of us do. The only job where you're guaranteed to have some of your fellow workers' respect is Life. You are a very good man. Reach out ot us and let the work take a back seat in your focus, if not in your time. It's rotten that a job which treats you poorly walks away with so much of your time, but you have the skills to do other things. Come sit with your old (oh so old,now!) friends and throw out some ideas for what might bring you more joy and fulfillment. We'll listen, and we'll love you no matter what you choose. That's the gift you've given me in the past, and the least I can do is return it.
Be well.
Old...oh so old. I cherish you all more because of the fact. You encourage me as well as make me smile.
ReplyDeleteYou remind me (as well as other things this past weekend) of this things I have let go in my life. The sense of joy and wonder at times, the imagination of things undone.
I need to come. We all, at some point, need to return to those things that thrill us and get us excited about life. If I've given you this gift, so much the better (and, frankly, surprising to me).
I will be well. You all do the same.