God got my attention yesterday:
1) I got an e-mail from at work indicating that I was the holdup on a major project at work. Senior management was carbon copied on the e-mail.
I felt like being two steps away from screaming "I quit". I know why it was done - someone needed the item taken care off, and chose to go this route to get it done.
I was angry because already that day I had been doing things to support clients - getting documentation into order to support projects, catching up on old projects, etc. My reward: You're the roadblock.
I came home and spent an hour at night ensuring that everything was in order, dreading the thought as I did it "You missed X" - but it could not afford not to be done.
I get angry just writing about it.
But did it serve me well? What did I desire, what was I denied?
Respect. Acknowledgement - indeed, worship. validation. To be seen as respected - not treated as recalcitrant.
I struggled today with going in, being Christlike, not showing anger, meeting everyones' requests humbly, not asking for recognition.
I hate it. I want to be respected and desired so badly, I could cry