Thursday, January 21, 2016

Feeling A Little Less Small

So how did it go yesterday?

Well, of course not at all like I expected.  I went to the meeting of course, trying to take Kymber's advice and surround myself with a suit of armor that none could penetrate.  Sure enough, the discussion was cut short - mostly because the chart that has the magical numbers on it is not ready.

Figures, right?  All keyed up and nowhere to go.

The second meeting happened later in the day - again, one involving individuals whom I often feel like make me  small.  Again, not like I had expected - someone had taken ill and so was not able to attend the meeting.  Was any decision made - no, once again things were deferred.  The sense of feeling small remained as I left the room.

But here is the funny thing:  as I drove home, I suddenly found that my heart was light.

Why?  Nothing had changed.  The people are still there.  The situation has not resolved itself.  My power has in no wise returned.  And if I deal with some of the individuals involved, I will still (more than likely) feel some level of small in my life.

But here is the difference: for the first time, I could simply accept that I had no further power in the matter.  I can change nothing.  I certainly cannot change them.  But almost contrary to what I might think, by admitting that I have no power to change them or the situation I felt myself freer than ever.  Why?  Because I had let go of any expectations.  I can simply move on to deal with things of greater important and people of greater import and let the situation grind to its inevitable conclusion.  In a sense I found myself rejoicing in my powerlessness - through it, I can demonstrate that whatever occurs or most likely goes wrong was beyond my power to control because it was beyond my power to influence.

We will see how things go next week, when we have round two.  But for the moment, I feel better than I have all week.

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