Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Director and Star II

So you may be wondering "How did go, not being the Director nor the Star of your life?"

Frankly, it was abysmal.

How can this possibly be, I hear you asking.  Surely with yourself out the way, you could simply stand back and watch great things happen.  But it was like that all.

The biggest thing I noticed was this sensation, this feeling, of a giant hole inside of my soul.  It was the strangest sensation but it was noticeable and there.  Mentally removing myself from the starring role, I found that there was nothing there instead.

This was not what I expected.  I guess I sort of thought that God would immediately fill that space in with Himself, that somehow the Star would make himself readily apparent now that the stage was cleared.

But perhaps He does not work that way.

I went through the day - had to, of course.  Did my tasks, ran my meetings, worked on things that needed doing.  And felt totally empty.  Just as I do when I write this.

I shall try tomorrow, of course.  Open the curtains, bring up the lights, highlight the scenery, and wait.  But maybe this time I shall try with simply no idea that I shall experience anything at all.

Because Stars and Directors follow their own scripts, not the scripts of the walk-ons.

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