What would I do if I really could do anything I wanted? I used to know; I am not so sure that I do any more.
This bothers me a bit. After all, it is not as if my current line of work has served to generate any deep sense of career satisfaction - it has been a vehicle to pay for things, nothing more. There is not more passion for what I do than there is for the fact that I need to do maintenance on the cars on a regular interval - it is just part of living life.
But if I had the choice, what would I do? I can honestly say that I have no idea what that would really look like.
Why? Is it a series of finding things I did not want to do that has finally made me reluctant to consider things I would want to do? Is it the occasional failures I have had? Or is it simply the sense that after years of essentially surrendering to the inevitability of "being responsible" the thought of doing anything else is killed before it even sees the light of day?
More importantly, how do I break out of this box? The situation as it is only ends one way: keep doing something until that opportunity is pulled away from you by loss of job or loss of industry and discover that you cannot do anything else, then scramble at a host of things you cannot really do and do not enjoy at all to make things meet.
Passion is the key - the problem is, I feel almost no discernible passion about anything. And as I've pondered before, my time has been wedged into bits and pieces that seem to be unusable.
But I need to think harder about this - quite hard. My time doing what I am doing is ultimately limited by factors beyond my control. And there is nothing worse than being at the mercy of that which you cannot control.
Where is my passion? And why can I not seem to connect with it?
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