It was not unexpected - she has been unhappy for more time that I can almost remember now, stressed to the point of creating physical issues and mental pain. She has been to this precipice perhaps 50 times since I have known her. And today was finally the day.
I talked with her in the afternoon after the thing was done. There was a peace about her, a peace that I had not seen in months - but a peace I was all too familiar with from others that have gone before her on the same journey. It was all the cares of the job simply melting away, leaving nothing but the future behind. Maybe not knowing what was coming next, but knowing that whatever it was it was not what the past had been
As she was reminiscing over the things that had brought her to this point, she said something that hit me deeply: "I realized that there were people here that I had worked with for 9 months, people who had not known me before things started to go bad - and all they know of me is that person: angry, emotional, sad, bitter. They do not know the real me, the fun happy me, the me that exists away from this before everything went so badly."
That thought struck me to the core.
Yes, I understand that happiness can be choice. At the same time, like it or not, we are influenced by the environment around us. And sometimes that environment can weigh on us heavily indeed.
What would it be like if we worked, lived, and loved in an environment where we enjoyed what we did, who we spent our time with, and cared about the things that deeply mattered to us. What would we be like? How would others perceive us? Would they see us as we are now, or would they see us as we wish others to perceive us?
I wish I knew. Others can see farther down that road than I can at this point.
Fly High Redbird. Fly Free.