Wednesday, September 16, 2015

Trapped And Reactions

Feeling trapped is a terrible thing.

Hope seems to dwindle a little a time.  First of all "soon" is the watchword, then "someday", then "I do not think it is every coming."  And that point, the match has been lost.

It begins to affect your reactions with folks.  Your frustration at the situation looks for outlets that it cannot otherwise find, and turns itself on those who are around you.  You cannot really yell at people above you, of course, because that just goes very badly, so it tends to channel to those around you.  Good nature tends to expire as the corridor seems to get longer and longer without relief.

How does one combat such a situation?  That is always the struggle in such circumstances.  You want to be understanding, to be the compassionate and the person you have always been, but always in the back of your head is the sense that this is never going to end and at some level, some ridiculous level, the behavior that makes it all tolerable is the same behavior that will someone, somewhere, is using against you as part of the endless corridor of nothingness.

I wish I had a better answer.  I truly do.  I find myself quite snappish at people whom I should not be so at.  My patience seems to have dwindled to a faded memory of what it used to be.  And my happy go lucky demeanor has become a hollow shell of what it once was.

The ultimate resolution, I suppose, is to escape the trap.  But sometimes that is more easily said than done.

2 comments:

PioneerPreppy said...

NO simple answer in many cases if you truly are trapped is there?

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Legitimate question Preppy. Am I trapped? In one sense no I suppose, as we do not live in a dictatorship where roles are assigned. On the other hand, for various reasons (mostly Na Clann) staying here has a certain necessity to it. Within that necessity there are very few jobs in my field here.

Can I change fields? In theory yes of course; the reality is it quite a difficult thing. So perhaps it is more correct to say that within the confines of my situation, I am perhaps not so much "trapped" as I am limited in my options.