I am done fighting for my way.
Another reorganization at work, along with a reassignment from a project that my group has been working on for some time from an active role to an advisory role. Suddenly, it is clear that someone is in charge and it is not in my direct line of reporting.
Is it the end of the world for my work life? No. I am still employed and my employer has suddenly not gone under. But what is does mean is that practically speaking, my horse in this race is finished. My role - reconfirmed yesterday - is that of the silent (perhaps even more silent now) engine quietly working in the background.
Suddenly my years of fighting and positioning and scheming and effort show themselves to be all for nothing.
And so, I surrender.
No more fighting or pushing for my way. In anything. Do what needs to be done in the spirit of doing the task at hand to the best of my ability and simply releasing the results. No expectations. No assumptions.
Part of me rebels at this, of course. Without expectations or assumptions how will I move forward in life? How will I succeed? How will I achieve? I simply do not know.
But I do know this: my years of trying to force my ways upon events through planning and pushing and fighting have brought me here, in so many ways a seeming cul-de-sac. One I cannot see my way out of after many years of time and energy expended.
Can it truly be any worse to try it the other way?