Friday, June 26, 2015

Quietly Disappearing

I have come to the conclusion that it is time to quietly begin scaling back my presence.

It has probably been a long time coming and, let us be honest, a lot of this has to do with the fact that much like a garage which has collected years of half finished projects (like, say, my own), I have internet bits of me scattered hither and yon.  One does not really give such things a second thought over time.  Until one does.

Consider this, perhaps, the logical extension of my week of forced disengagement.  Perhaps even consider it a legitimate concern that, over time, one's presence becomes fragmented to the point that one can scarcely keep track of everywhere one is or what one has done.

But at any rate, the time has come.

It started tonight, quietly going through and deleting accounts on places that I scarcely go anymore or other e-mails that I have used in the past but no longer.  A pulling away from some online publishing sites.  A quiet reduction in force of where I can be found.

This blog, you may ask? Not likely, at least not now.  This blog is one of the outlets I continue to maintain, as much for my own sanity as for any benefit anyone else may realize from it.  The hazy anonymity allows me to write in almost my real and true voice, a rarity anymore..

Some would refer to it as "Going Grey", the concept of becoming unremarkable in a crowd in order not to stand out in the crowd.  Not to attract attention.  Not to be noticed.

I will continue to work with the han of Ichiryo Gusoku, quietly working to better my life and become more independent - at least inward facing and within my home.  But I am working on become the dull gray haze that appears just before morning or evening, that ill defined moment where night becomes day or vice versa.

Maintain a rich inner life within the circle of those you trust.  Be otherwise unremarkable.

2 comments:

John Wooldridge said...

The time to be 'going grey' is upon myself TB, only I couldn't figure out the change or but the almost graspable feeling into focus or words for that matter....you have clarified the thoughts whirling through my mind, thank you my man.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thank you, John. You will perhaps find this oddly remarkable, but I taking a slow think this morning about where the direction would be from here and my first thought was "I wonder what John would do next." Your work with your garden is inspiring and (I think represents very well this concept I am trying to think of.

The only thing I might counsel - and I think you and I are prone to this - is not to use fading away as a reason to totally disengage from life. That is where Yn Moddey Doo, the Black Dog, makes its place - at least in my own life. I need to find a way to stay engaged while fading, which I suspect is a bit of a trick.