Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Struggling To Write

This week has been a real struggle, writing-wise.  The creativity just does not seem to be there.

This happens sometimes, I suppose.  I just really cannot remember a time when I felt this completely empty for writing.

It probably reflects a larger blandness in my life.  Unfortunately, I seem to have hit a rut in my life that I cannot get out of.

My life has become bounded by 12 miles in any one direction. By an emptiness of people rather than a crowd.  By a sense of futility in almost everything that I do rather than a sense of purpose - even my hobbies that brought me so much joy feel like chores.

There is an emptiness, a senselessness to everything that leaves me dry and brittle inside, on the one hand not feeling and on the other hand not caring.  I wish I knew what the cure was to this: is it a rut? If so, is there something that I can do to break out of it?  Or am I simply going through a phase for which there is no resolution but to quietly continue on, seemingly without relief?

I certainly do not like this sensation - but ever within my not liking it, I can find nothing to do but simply endure it.  And hope for better days.


Sherri Keyes said...

I've never posted here before, but I read what you write all the time. It's good stuff. Patience. It's in there and will come to the surface at just the right time. You will have better days.

kymber said...

TB - forget about writing, forget about your hobbies, forget about your work and all of the mundane things in your life. promise yourself to take one half hour each day and go sit in your backyard. get a chair and place it exactly where you want it - it's not going to stay there forever so don't be too picky. go and sit in that chair for one half hour every day - and just feel. i told you that you are a doer and a thinker but you are also a "feeler". just give yourself that freedom to "feel" for that set amount of time and after a few days, a week, a few weeks - i think that your feeling of just enduring will go away. i think if you give yourself that time to just reflect and feel - i think you will become filled with a sense of purpose. especially if you talk to The Lord during that time. and smell and breathe and look at the new life that is coming up all around you - you'll get energized. i promise.

sending much love, as always! your friend,

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thank you Sherri! That is awfully kind of you to stay. Alas, if you have followed me at all, you will know patience is not one of my best virtues. Which, perhaps, is the point.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

How remarkable you say that, Kymber. The rather unfortunate truth is that as much as I like to think I am about thinking and pondering, I find the very difficult to do - mostly because I feel like I should be "doing" something. As you have been right about most other things, I will submit to you in this matter and give it a go.

Much love, TB

LindaG said...

Take a break. Come back when and if you want. kymber knows you better than me, but yes, do something you want to do. We will still be here.
Take care, be safe and God bless.

Toirdhealbheach Beucail said...

Thanks Linda. Oddly enough, I actually do not feel right if I do not write at this point. I suppose part of my problem is that I feel like I should constantly be writing these great discourses, which is an expectation that I alone have set on myself - and which, of course, is impossible.