There is nothing more amazing or wonderful when a thread that has not been used in years gets picked back up by the Creator and placed back upon the loom.
The story starts - as all stories do - some years ago with The Valkyrie, an acquaintance of an acquaintance that became a friend. This things are never perfect of course: sometimes one meets someone and that, as they say, is that. Other times, however, the friendship seems to take for reasons that are not always clear to me. In that sense, I suppose, there is something about us that is somewhat more than the words we exchange and the interests we may share, something that simply calls out to us upon occasion that "this one is a friend" where others are not.
(I note in passing that The Valkyrie is, in fact, a she. As is The Shield Maiden. I have always had far more female friends than male friends. It just seems to be the way it is.)
Friendships in the InterWeb age are interesting things. At best for many of them, you see them occasionally or not at all (for example, I think it has been at least 6 years since I have seen the Shield Maiden in physical form). But that does not mean they are any less real or engaged for all of that, technology being what it is these days - and if that were truly true, there would be no long term friendships (Uisdean Ruadh and The Actor) in my life, since those date long before the InterWeb even existed for the masses. Conversations can become disjointed, randomly starting and stopping at any and all times of the day and night, or suddenly they can lurch back mysteriously to something that was discussed five interactions back. But the conversations can be just as meaningful, the laughs just as loud, the thoughts just as profound as if one was in person.
Things happen, of course. People get busy, people have lives. This is the other reality of the InterWeb - essentially it is pulling time from other places and other things. An investment in a InterWeb friendship is different in that aspect, that the friendship is much more writing and typing than in the direct sharing of activities. And so, for various reasons, people drift on as they do with any physical friendship.
Sometimes, though, something random happens and the friendship is renewed.
The renewal of friendship - especially one you valued - is truly a happy moment. Not only for the joy of having that person back in your life. Friendships - real friendships - are precious things, things that it often feels like we have squandered in our modern world of "likes" and "hearts". I can have 200 business relationships that I speak with every day; that will not replace the actual value and worth of a single friendship, even if (as with InterWeb friendships) sometimes unevenly applied.
There is nothing finer than to suddenly discover, amongst the weave, a previous color or pattern you had not seen for a while suddenly reappear.
I've seen that too. Most notably when things began to spiral downward a couple years back. I found that old acquaintances became friends rather quickly. I had no idea that could happen.
ReplyDeleteI used to keep up with two high school friends. We could pick right back up where we left off. But that ended decades ago. Only one college buddy is still on the contact list. The others that I thought were closer, weren't.
I still don't understand how a friendship can mean that much to me and the other person can drop it like it's worthless. I'm overly loyal maybe? I dunno. It's happened enough times to warrant thought.
It is interesting STxAR, is it not? I have experienced the same thing, and sometimes in the most unlikely circumstances.
DeleteI wonder - and this is only a wonder - if in fact people do place different emphases on friendships. Sometime, to be fair, I have moved away from people, but only when it seemed like my relationship was causing difficulty or pain.
If helpful, I once read a work that suggested that friendships are not all the same. It is like traveling on a train: some are just on for one or two stops, some are on to the next city, and some are on for the entire ride. When I learned to accept this, it made the ones that left that much more easy to bear: they were really just there until the next stop.
I've had very few true friendships over the years. I'm not sure why that is but I always get the sense that I've always just been at another stage of my life compared to peers and those that are younger or older than I have a hard time getting close to someone not their age.
ReplyDeleteBut I am content. Many things I could talk to with a good friend, can be talked about via blogs and the internet with others who with time, get to know me about as good as any friend. Still it would be nice to have a close friend to do some outings with but I think that will have to wait until my peers catch up with my stage in life.
Ed - I think that being at an alternate place in life may be a real thing. I have experienced it too. And you are right, as my experience is the same: in some ways I talk more meaningfully with folks on the InterWeb than I do with folks in real life.
DeleteAnd yes, I think you are right: those vistas might open up a bit when others reach your stage of life. I know for my parents, their friendship circle grew and shifted when they switched to more full time retirement.
Just wanted to post something concerning an earlier post on your spouse's back problems. Found that following one simple thing, lay on your back on the floor with your feet up on the couch/chair for 15 minutes. Helps realign the spine and painless too. Got it off a DVD Titled "Yoga for the Rest of US Back Care Basics" that I received when I renewed my public tv membership one year. Best of luck!
ReplyDeleteNylon12 - Thank you for continuing to think of The Ravishing Mrs. TB and her back! That certainly sounds simple enough and is similar to an exercise she does, but I will definitely relay it on.
DeleteMy hubby always had more lady friends than male friends. He can talk to anyone, anytime. Me, not so much.
ReplyDeleteI think it comes from not doing a lot of "bunch of guys things" - He was a fisherman and a hunter and did things like mowing yards and working at the neighborhood sports place. Most of these are singular events for the most part.
Glad you got back together with your friend, TB.
You all be safe and God bless.
Linda - That is an interesting observation about your husband. And if I think about it, I think it is true: I did far more non-typical guy things than many. My male friends are largely those who I met through those activities.
DeleteI am really glad to read what you wrote about having more female friends than male. I tend to be the same way, which my wife has sometimes found troubling. What I have tried to do, to reassure her, is to make sure these friends also become her friends. And since she is more likeable than I, that's not a problem.
ReplyDeleteI do have six guy friends from my life who I consider my, to coin a modern acronym that I don't like but will use it to get my point across, "BFFs." They're all friends from at least 30 years back, from childhood/high school, college, law school days and just after. I'm pretty good at keeping in touch, more than they are, but I don't fret over it. I know I could call on any of them in a pinch, and they would be there for me.
There are about as many females, too, with whom I stay in contact, going back about the same length of time. And then I've become quite close to some women I've worked with. And I have become friends with some of their husbands.
I'm an introvert by nature, meaning I love people, but they make me tired, and I am quite content with, and relish, extended periods of alone time. Because my wife travels to see our adult children more than I do, I get to have that, and I enjoy it. (I am happy to welcome her back home, but I don't mind her being gone days at a time.)
I'm rambling, but this post gave me much to think about, TB. Bottom line, I have learned the importance of friendships and I try to nurture them.
Bob - Wise advice, and one that I have tried to follow as well - or if I that does not work, at least give context to how I know them: "X throws in Highland Games, Y practices Iai". That seems to help moderate any concerns.
DeleteI have two males friends that fall into the "BFF" category, The Actor and Uisdean Ruadh. They are both friends from high school and we are actually coming up on 40 years of friendship. I have one additional female friend - hereafter known at The Accountant - that is almost that long - in her case we lost touch over the years but once I started coming back to Old Home we reconnected more frequently, and now see each other for dinner every time I am in town.
Of interest - and literally because I was talking about it with my brother-in-law this weekend - I keep in contact with no-one from my college or graduate days, and scarcely anyone who was an old coworker. For the college/graduate work days, I think I know enough about how their lives were trending that it just made sense to part amicably; for coworkers (as I think I have managed to make more than one post out of), people just seem to get busy at their new jobs and lose touch - and, if the binding agent of the job is not there, there often seems to be less to speak of.
Interestingly, we sound very much alike: I, too, am an introvert that both loves and is exhausted by people. The Ravishing Mrs. TB is pretty much an extrovert. She is far more likely to travel than I am and, much like your wife, I suspect that when our children move away, she will be off to see them a great deal. I am (like you) okay with this; in fact, I anticipate she will want to travel much more than I in years to come, which again is okay. I am a homebody, and if things go as I plan and we move to The Ranch, I will have plenty enough to do here.
I am glad the post could spark such thinking - which, of course, is what every writer hopes for.
I'm glad you've reconnected with an old friend. I had this experience a few years ago. A best friend and I had grown apart. Nothing had happened really, except that our lives drifted in different directions for a spell. Over a decade, actually. And then we reconnected. It was (and is wonderful). We picked up where we left off, and even though she moved nearly an hour away- at the beginning of COVID, no less, we have continued to make time to connect, if a little less often because of some distance now.
ReplyDeleteI've enjoyed reading through the comments above. As an introvert myself, I wonder if the majority of bloggers are introverts. It's a way of putting oneself "out there" making friends, being known, but without the work of having to create boundaries that in-person relationships sometimes require to prevent them from becoming exhausting. Or maybe that's just me...
Becki - I think that happens a lot more than we think as well: people that for no other reason than "life" move in different directions until they find themselves in a place where they can "move back" in that direction. To that extent, I have taken such things a little less seriously than I did before. It is wonderful you and your friend were able to do so.
DeleteYour question is a good one. I suspect that in some ways that may be the case, if for no other reason than the extroverts I know (at least) are not the kind of person to blog simply because they are out being extroverts and valuing that interaction. From what I have been able to judge of those that comment and those that I follow, I think you are spot on.