Semiar

Off to Iaido class this weekend. 

 The soke (head of our school) will be at the head school in the state where New Home is located. He comes maybe once a year, so this is a great opportunity to train with a man who, as our sensei said, has forgotten more iajutsu that he has ever learned. 

 It's also interesting (to me, at least) in that this is the first time since last year (absent traveling to Old Home) that I have been on some kind of vacation/retreat - at all, let alone with myself. How does this intersection occur, the activity that I have come to treasure above all others and a short break from the reality of my life? How is it that I can find the time (and energy and money) to make this happen when so often I can't make other things happen? 

 One reason I suppose is simply that there is a simple input/reward ratio: I have been to seminar before and know how much I enjoy it and how much I learn from it. It is easily worth the effort to attend. It's short term as well: it's only preparing for 2-3 months and then it is here. I can do the things I need to do to get ready for it. 

 But why can't I apply this sort of thinking to the other aspects of my life? Why do I feel like I have essentially hit a wall for anything else other than the status quo of my life? Why, essentially, do I feel powerless? 

 Interestingly, one of the things I like about Iaijutsu is the sense of myself, perhaps of power, that I get by doing it. Not by the fact I can suddenly attack with the sword; that's not the point. It's the sense of that I am learning and getting better at something, that the daily effort I put in results in an output that I can see, that by my stature and by my stand and by my sense of myself I can see that I am getting better, stronger. That makes me feel a bit more powerful about my life, if for no other reason than I am taking action to improve one element of my life which can impact others. 

 The question for me is how do I leverage that into the rest of my life?