Back once upon a time and within my memory, we had adults. Yes in positions of power but also sort of just "around". There was something somewhat indefinably different about them, especially as a child. I did not know what that was at the time but I do now (discussed below).
What did that mean? As a child and even young adult, it meant at some level there were many things I did not worry about because the right decisions for the short term and long term were being made. I would never have thought about it that way growing up - just that things seemed to happen as if there was a plan.
Were somehow adults more serious back then? I have no methodology to assess that now. TB The Elder was, in his latter years, quite a wit; I assume that was there before but I never saw it as such. And my mother was always quiet and reserved. It was not as if we did not have fun as a family - we did - but but there was always a seeming distance between us and our parents and really all of the adults in our lives, something that seemed invisible but immeasurably distant. It was not until high school and my band teacher that I met an adult that was not quite an "adult" - but the distance was still there.
Being - or at least posing as - an adult, I understand what that is now. It was - and is - planning for the future and not operating solely on feelings or instincts.
Neither of my parents' families were well off, and both sets of my grandparents had come through the Great Depression. As a result their financial decisions were based on what they could do with what they had, not with what they did not have. Did they all get there to some extent eventually? Yes, in their own ways. But that was because they planned their way into it instead of borrowing into it.
But the same was true of the other parts of their lives. To my memory I never saw any of my relatives out of control whether behaviorally in general or with alcohol in particular. In some sense they were so not out of control that I had trouble imagining them as being my age. In every sense - with my father caring for my mother after her Alzheimer's diagnosis, my maternal grandfather visiting my grandmother every day for a year after her stroke, my paternal grandfather doing his work as a general laborer (the same could be said of my maternal grandfather and indeed TB The Elder) - they ultimately did "their duty".
This seems to no longer be the way the world works.
Yes, it is easy enough for me as a "Person on the cusp of Senior Citizen" status to be the equivalent of "Local old man shakes fist at cloud" and blame the young. But it is not just the young. It is all age brackets.
Nor it is not specifically an age related or sex related or party affiliation related or religious affiliation based thing. It feels like every I look whether in business or religion or politics I see people making decisions based on what they feel or for the moment instead of the future or banking on things that they think will happen but may not.
The pinnacle of our combined childishness, at least here in the U.S.? A Federal Debt now over $35 Trillion which is rapidly becoming a major (if soon to be not the major) line item we pay. Brought to us by both parties, who have precisely zero plans to address it.
Apply that same "logic" to any other endeavor in the modern world. You will find the same.
Does it end well? History pretty much suggests "No". Child and child-like monarchs and leaders have a pretty lousy track record. Those who can neither control their spending nor their emotions do not show much better. And generally speaking, the societies that the lead or are part of suffer badly if not coming apart at the seams.
But in making this examination, I must first and always judge myself. And I find myself lacking.
Too often I have also chosen the easy path of not thinking of the future and seeing the world as I wish it to be. Too often - way too often in the past - I have operated based on feelings or emotions instead of logic and rational thought. The fact that there have been few if any truly bad consequences is a testament to the grace of God, not to anything I have done.
In condemning all I condemn myself.
Can I fix the world at large? Not really. But I can work on myself and perhaps - perhaps I can serve as an example to what the true power of being and thinking like an adult can be.
Maturity doesn't seem to be a "thing" anymore, does it? I'm not sure if grownups are choosing not to exercise self-discipline and self-control, or if they were never taught this as children. Somewhere along the way (the latest trends in child psychology?), discipline became "abuse" and "love" became allowing another to do whatever they want. TB, at least you know there's a difference between acting on raw emotion or acting on rational thought. That's something.
ReplyDeleteLeigh - For the past twenty years or so, I have read about and heard about the "Peter Pan" syndrome, where young people want to extend youth into their mid 20's and 30's. That still exists, but it feels like something even more beyond that, a complete abandonment of anything like actual adult behavior. The outward signs are there - stuff, payments, jobs - but not the internal stuff that sustains it.
DeleteIndeed, discipline has become a dirty word except for very specific activities like sports (and even likely that will go away eventually).
I cannot unmake the past but I can make the future.
Perhaps a sign of maturity is knowing that a person CAN'T do whatever they want WHENEVER they want. If they do it will probably affect someone else drastically. The more people that grow up this way will teach their children the same, as a result fewer "adults" around. Too many people think of themselves, first, foremost and always. The older one gets....the closer you are to the finish line TB....... :)
ReplyDeleteNylon12, the "can't and whenever" is indeed part of maturity. My gripe (apparently that is what it is) is that such thinking seems to have passed largely out of modern parlance or at least from our leadership.
DeleteAs a people (not us specifically of course) are very self centered but even in our self-centeredness we still demand policies that do everything - but do not impact us negatively. You cannot have both.
As a kid, I was always wanting to be an adult. Now that I am an adult, I wish I could be a kid again.
ReplyDeleteTowards the last third of your post, I'm not sure you can put politicians in the adult category. They are really a category of their own, a hybrid of old enough to make decisions but mentally young enough to be the proverbial kid with their hand in the cookie jar.
Ed - In many ways I suspect your lament is shared by many. The only benefit to being an adult is that I can buy my own stuff instead of waiting for a gift. That, and I can do better activities.
DeleteHmm. Politicians in a "hybrid" category. I am on the fence about that. The recent crop have really not demonstrated they are old enough (or at least wise enough) to make decisions personal or for other people. One that specifically comes to mind is a representative that made a ruckus in a theater for being unable to conduct themselves lie an adult.
That's just it. We're the adults now. They're all dead.
ReplyDeleteThat's one of the things that struck me after my Dad passed away (Mom died 5 years ago, didn't experience this feeling). The last of your elders, so to speak, the reference library, the person/people you could call and talk to and get advice... We're playing that role now. Errr... it's our turn. And I think that's what makes it different, or feel different. We're not them, for better or worse? So it's not going to be like it was when they were the adults. For better, or worse.
Anon - You may be tapping into something that I had not considered fully on this with the death of my mother still relatively recently. There is that aspect as well.
DeleteTrue that we are not them. But I suppose my concern is that this seems like precisely the time we need them. Maybe we are up to the task - who knows? - but we need a world of them and they seem few and far between.
There is no going forward when you’re lost with no idea how you got here, and you have no idea of what “here” is.
ReplyDeleteWelcome to the Woman’s World, folks. Enjoy it, because it will get much worse before it gets better. Consider: we have taken it as official canon that menstrual and menopausal women make excellent leaders. There are examples too - Maggie Thatcher, the late Queen Elizabeth and so forth. But there are exceptions to every rule and women like those ARE the exceptions.
Women think with their emotions, as with everything else. In today’s world you exhibit your virtue by emoting rather than by example or deed. Children are taught in schools that their emotions dictate the reality of their world and all kinds of lunacy has sprung from it. Now, women vote, manage, and make far reaching decisions based on their feelings and their word is law.
One might be tempted to blame women for this state of intellectual and moral decline, but in truth, it’s all the fault of us guys. Any number of male opportunists, zealots, and grifters enabled and facilitated it. Even guys like you and I are responsible when we ran away from our confrontations with these people and stuck our heads in the sand rather than dealing with these lunatics.
I am no theologian like you but it seems to me that our Maker does not impose maturity and reason on his children; it seems to me that He insists that they do it themselves. Under current narratives and ideologies that is impossible. The only good news is that our current circumstances are temporary and our problems will sort themselves out.
Glen, I spent the better part of the day considering this. I think the only response I can offer is "In your opinion".
Delete1) In terms of women as leaders - it comes down to experience and observation. I have had both men and women as bosses. The women bosses have almost always been good leaders and good thinkers, the men less so. Does that mean that we should only have men because they are "men", regardless of actual merit? And does that make my experience and reality any less valid?
And I can think of several women on the InterWeb, including some that comment here and write (and that I follow) that stand out with same sort of clear mind and good thought processes - while still being women.
If "the exception" has to match what we think the decision should be, then there is no standard for leadership or decisions. There is only a desire for an echo chamber.
To be clear, misogny is just as appalling a belief as misandry in my world, and neither will be tolerated here.
2) Could position be proposed that women think more with their emotions? Sure - it is a common enough trope and millions have been made by it. But while the counter argument would be (I suppose) "Men think with logic" one could just as correctly say "Men think with their hormones" (I will note most men will accept the first but very few the second).
But to suggest anyone is completely defined by a sort of evolutionary behavior that is inescapable due to physical or genetic characteristics is to willful ignore all the people with all of those things out doing the things they are not "supposed to" be able to do.
Again - to be clear - sexism, racism, and religious intolerance of any variety are also appalling to me and will not be tolerated.
3) I reject - rather categorically - the idea that somehow confrontation would resolve the fact that people cannot think logically and plan ahead. For one, I have beheld such confrontations and seldom are opinions changed or minds opened - in fact if anything they become more closed.
The second is that the breadth of websites that tend to hold that opinion are no more open to confrontation than the side they claim to be opposed to. Sure, there can be a lot of snorting and fist raising but in the end they retreat back to their corner, smug in their knowledge that the "defended" their position not realizing the other side went away to do the same thing.
If the path to fixing any problem lies only in confronting someone and treating them as second class until they "see" the light, those that practice such things are no better than Our Political and Social Betters (OPASB) of virtually every stripe who practice exactly that.
4) God in fact does not impose maturity on His children. Reason? Yes, perhaps the common reason that is the same thing shared as common grace - but not the true Reason that lies at His heart. That has always been up to us. Perhaps the reason that it is not so common is not just that current narratives and ideologies are present but that people have given up trying to be the good example and do the right thing (for example, the Third World church is doing rather well. It is the First World and more specifically the West that is suffering. Is that the fault of the world acting as it always does or the fault of Christians failing to live out their calling?).
The right thing? Christ had a couple of good ideas, such as "Love your neighbor as yourself" and "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you". Perhaps if we started from there instead of confrontation, God might see fit to act through us.
Christ told sinners "Go and sin no more". His harshest words were always for those who believed themselves to be righteous according to the Law. If the world is not as we wish it to be, perhaps the best place to start is "How am I not living up to His commands"?
You are ever so virtuous TB. I withdraw my comment.
DeleteGlen, I am not only not virtuous, I daily become less and less convinced I ever had any virtue at all. But for me, I have a Master who has given me marching orders which - at least to me - become more and more non-negotiable. Others may interpret those orders differently. I can only do as I believe myself commanded to do.
DeleteIf I have learned anything with regard to this topic, it is that adulthood does not necessarily come with age. And like you, I blame myself for not acting maturely in many cases after I had longed reached the age of knowing better. But as you so deftly mentioned, there is that thing called grace, of which I am a grateful recipient. In return, I am trying mightily, at my ripe old age, to become an adult in the room, and as such a resource for my children and grandchildren and anyone else I can help. Because of grace, and the great giver of grace, it is never too late. As a P.S., it seems the cliche "youth is wasted on the young" is appropriate to this discussion! Thanks for the good words, as always.
ReplyDeleteBob - Thank you. I outright laughed your comment about not acting maturely after the age of knowing better - in the best way of course, as I can more than identify.
DeleteLike you I have been the tremendous recipient of grace with the need to "pay it forward", as the kids say. What I have found is that such a responsibility has made me often less willing to speak than more, simply because I want to give meaningful guidance and opinions.
As you say, we are the grateful servants of a graceful Master, who expects us to show the grace that we have received to others.
My parents did not have a choice. if they did not work, we did not eat. Dad would have died rather then accept charity. Everybody I knew passed food around if we had extra, and it came back in spades. farmers all around the mile and beyond helped each other. they would have parties and get foolish, but they knew how to work. Woody
ReplyDeleteWoody, TB The Elder went to college one day, figured out it was not for him, and enlisted in the Navy for 4 years. Following that, he worked as a gas station attendant until he got a job at a utility company where he worked for over 30 years until he retired - and even then he got part time jobs for another 5- 9 years until my mother fully retired. Growing up all I knew of his job was that he left early, got home late, and worked a lot of weekends to pay for us to take vacations.
DeleteIt was (and is) a pretty high standard to live up to.