This last Sunday we (I say we - it was really my sister and my brother in law) moved my mother into the same facility as my father. This was where we had been hoping to end up the whole time, it just took us almost two months (and multiple hospital visit to get there).
My mother, from what my sister has related, is doing well with it. She has a roommate who seems as active (and talkative) as she is, so we have every reason to hope that things will work out well.
My father has been struggling a bit more.
He had been much more vocal when we had seen him and talked to him about leaving and going "home". We explained that it was really better if he stayed here because there were people around.
It is interesting - he likes the place well enough ("The people are nice", he says) but he complained multiple times about having nothing to do except sit in his room and watch television. We have encouraged him (multiple times) to get out and do some activities or even just sit out with other people, but he has remained resistant. He has said (again, repeatedly) he would prefer to be back home at The Ranch where people would visit him. We have to remind him that no, there were even less people around there. Here is better.
It seems to have reached a pitch last Friday when we got a call from the Director, letting us know that he had tried to leave the facility twice for different locations (once his [deceased] brother's house, once the fire station). I suspect if you get too many of those, you may get asked to consider "other options".
But we are hopeful that my mother being there will help. She even told him on Sunday that he needed to stay there to help her.
Insurance update: After multiple attempts to get an answer, we have had to resort to hiring someone to write a letter to the insurance company with the specific language to get them to fully pay out the policy, or rather "do what you said you would do". The insurance company apparently now knows that they potentially should 100% cover this and so has been asking their questions and responding in such a way as to avoid getting the answer that would commit them to actually having to pay out the policy - to the point they will no longer talk to my sister about it. Frankly, the whole thing just reinforces every bad impression of insurance companies I have.
On the whole, things seem (finally) to be moving consistently in the correct direction. As always, thanks for your thoughts and prayers.
I'm glad to read this update, especially that your folks are now in the same facility. It's a shame they can't room together, seeing as they are husband and wife.
ReplyDeleteI know retirement facilities offer "activities," but I wonder how satisfying these are to people who have been active in maintaining their own homes and property. Arts and crafts, board games, or shopping trips just don't seem like they would offer that same sense of purpose that real life does. Great for extroverts, but for others, not great at all.
Your experience with the insurance company has been mine ever since I first had to deal with insurance. I've had to argue and fight for every penny, even when it was clearly within the specifications of their policy (well, my claims have always been that way. I don't ask for something I don't think is right and fair.) Usually, I end up paying out of my own pocket. Later I met someone who worked as an insurance adjustor. So much of it is just a game to those people. Unfortunately, the dishonest of society pretty much turn them into cynics, eventually.
People think they are buying a service when they buy insurance, but in fact, they are only buying the hope of security. There are no guarantees. What's wrong with keeping a savings for emergencies instead of insurance? I wonder why more people don't do that.
Leigh - it is funny. I think at the end, my parents were driving each other a bit nuts; I am hopeful the space apart will make their time together more enjoyable.
DeleteAgreed, the activities are not quite the same as many of the activities that happen in life. That said, other than going for drives, my parents were not doing a great deal of anything (other than watching television). Hopefully more visits from friends will help, as will (hopefully, again) the ability to take them out more.
Up to this point, my experience with insurance companies has been rather pleasant - but then again, I have not asked them to pay out a ton of money either. I do think there is an element of built in world weariness from fraud (see Ed's post below), but I also think there is an element of it only being numbers to the adjustor versus someone's life.
"The hope of security". That is a powerful phrase. In my parents' case they had both, but I think they are the rarity in many aspects. And more than one insurance company has gone down over time (we will see how home insurance fares in those states that Frozepacalypse 2021 hit).
Insurance companies have always been a battle but having a spouse in the medical field who deals with people trying to scam doctors and insurance companies on a daily basis, I guess I now understand why they are like that. But at least for now, I still feel that is the cause is just, your claims will eventually be covered.
ReplyDeleteFair, Ed. I am more than aware via media that this is a real problem. So one tries to understand. But when they reach the point that they are not asking the one question that would commit them to fulfilling the contract, it stretches even my credulity.
DeleteBig changes are really tough on old folks. Hell's bells, they are tough on handsome young spring chickens like me too. It is toughest of all on the kids trying to keep everything going. I pray for you guys, TB.
ReplyDeleteIt is Glen, and we are conscious of that. The part that is hard is, I think, my father not grasping that he is not in a place where he should live on his own anymore. He remembers a life that does not have the bad parts of the last 3 months in it. Hopefully with time, it will get better. We are now trying to publicize their location to allow their friends to visit.
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