Sensei

I lead my martial arts class last night.  First time ever.

This was not a totally unexpected surprise.  When received an in-dojo teaching certificate, this allows one to serve as a potential sensei in the dojo.  I have always felt my knowledge to be moderate at best.  But our sensei was out of town this week and there were three of us with such certifications so we could split the duties.

Unfortunately due to circumstances, I was the only one able to attend.

It was a small class (Thank goodness!) but still, class leader is class leader.  Sensei had left us the course of study for the night - a single kata for the naginata.  It was one that I had done before and even had sufficient notes on to recreate.  We bowed in - very odd being the only one at the head of the class - and went to work.

I have taught before - U. S. History, U.S. politics, Asian History, even classes at work on what it is that we do - so I am no stranger to having to be in front of people lecturing.  This is different though:  one is not just transmitting information via words but with physical motion as well. One is expected to be the expert, even if (as was true in my case) there are more experienced members in the classroom.

I would like to say that I persevered but that makes it sound like I did much more than I did.  My students for the night were very patient and fortunately I am well aware of my shortcomings with the naginata, which at least gives me something to recommend for others to work on.  I also found it strangely difficult to watch multiple students at a single time:  I tended to watch on or the other when really I needed to watch all of them.

But we all survived.  We finished our practice with no injuries (the most significant accomplishment), bowed out, disrobed into our street clothes, and left the dojo.  My first immediate response was to e-mail sensei and let him know all was okay - more for the solace of trying to find a voice to tell me I did okay than any great need to communicate results.

It strikes me as odd.  Of all the activities I do, this is the one where I find myself least confident in my ability to teach others.  I could talk to people about Highland Athletics and demonstrate to them how to do it all day even though my own technique is okay at best.  I can speak to cheese making or mead making or gardening even though I do not always get the best results.  But Iaijutsu, this one activity that I love as much as any of the others, makes me nervous when the subject of teaching comes up.

Perhaps it is expectation.  The head of the our sword school is alive and I have trained with him as part of Seminars.  He has high expectations - he is, after all, the living embodiment of the teachings of the art.  And my sensei as well is an excellent teacher, quite knowledgeable and patient - the very essence of what a teacher should be.  And students come to class expecting the one leading the class to be expert, or at least knowledgeable of what the they lead.

All of this, I suppose, is simply a way of saying that leading my first class was a very humbling experience.  Not just that others look to you as the one to understand the art and pass it on.  It is humbling because others have entrusted you with their learning and their time and the leaders - of your dojo, of your school - expect you to lead in a manner worthy of the traditions which you are trained and training in.