On the Rushing and Spending of Time

Yesterday as I rushed about try to pack everything into one day I (once again) failed to get everything done that I intended to do.  One actual work day in and I already seemed like I was behind schedule.

This somehow has to change.  Or perhaps more accurately, I somehow have to change.

If you read my blogs of past years right after New Years - maybe not so early as this, but certainly within this time frame - you will find that I always reach the point where I am scrambling around to accomplish everything that I intended to do - and get some level of sleep as well.  Then I get tired, and right after the tired comes the frustration. This simply cannot be how life was meant to be lived, always feeling as if we were running behind the eight-ball to accomplish everything that we would like to accomplish.

It comes back to goals, of course - but not just goals that we want to accomplish. It also comes back to the life that we want to live and should live.

The reality is at this point in my life I will spend between 10.5 and 11 hours a day going, coming, and being at work.  Certainly this is not something I particularly care to do right at this moment but it does fill a purpose.  And in filling that purpose, that means that - like it or not- that time is removed from my ability to use it in other ways.  Sure, I can pack in the commute to and from home with things other than just background noise (and I try to, but concentrating on something else while driving has never been a strong suite of mine) but the reality is that at best it is supplementary to what is going on, not primary.  Which, if I am being honest, leaves me somewhere between 4-6 hours to conduct rest of my life (less sleep, of course, which cannot be avoided).

This is where the issue comes: do I want to constantly be rushing in and through the house and lives of my family, spending 15 minutes on this and 30 minutes on that?  Or do I want to enjoy my time and use it productively?  Productively and goal-oriented are not necessarily opposed to each other, but sometimes they do seem at odds.  One flows and is not rushed while the other often seems like it is chopped into little pieces and thrown to the wind.

Ultimately all the time we have is all the time we are given.  I cannot generate time or create it or save it:  I can only spend it, and in fact should spend it as wisely as I can.  So perhaps this becomes the more relevant question:  am I spending each minute of time in the very best way possible, whatever that way seems to be?  And keep in mind that this may not be "goal oriented" time:  the time spent around a family dinner table may not accomplish a single goal that I set for myself but will ultimately do something far more productive, even though I go far beyond the "time" I have allowed for myself to spend on this.

And if that is the case - that the productive truly outweighs the goal-oriented - have I once again managed to set myself up for failure by defining a thing that I cannot reach?