Unable to Compete

I have realized that in a lot of ways I am unable to compete.

Oh, not in Highland Athletics or Running or Iaijustu or any of the other activities I do.  There, I will continue to compete, even if I am always destined to be in the rear of the pack.  No, my inability to compete lies largely with much of the world.

I am not as exciting as a TV program.  I am not as interesting as Pintrest.  I am not as riveting as a sporting event.

I confess that for years this bothered me - after all, I am a person and therefore by default should be of more interest.  But what I've come to realize is that by forcing such interest, one accomplishes nothing.

It was very much like this when I was in high school and even college trying date.  The lengths I would go to so that I was interesting, the amount of effort I would spend constantly be in the world of the person I was pursuing - all so that I would be seen as someone interesting and desirable and worthy of attention.

It never quite worked out, of course - the problem with trying to generate interest in one's self is that unless real interest is there, the whole structure falls apart as soon as attention is distracted from it.  It is an interest that has to be constantly maintained to be active, which becomes not an interest at all but rather almost a marketing campaign which will fail as soon as the next model comes along.

And thus, the simple acceptance that I am unable to compete.

Am I worried?  Surely not - I have plenty to occupy my time and plenty of people around me who grace me with their friendship not because of anything I inherently have or can do but simply because we are kindred spirits.  And surely at some point the interest will turn:  the show will run out of seasons, the website will get old, the season will end. 

And I will still be here - perhaps  not as flashy as the rest but secure in the fact instead of wasting my time and energy competing, I have simply continued on in being and doing.