Ruthlessness

Am I ruthless enough?

Oh, of course not with other people or things.  I am the guy that walks spiders to the door instead of crushing them whenever possible.  In personal relationships I am more likely not to say something because it might be misinterpreted or may hurt someone than I am to say it.

No, I mean with myself.

Am I ruthless with what is true and right?  Am I unwilling to hide behind the excuses that I throw up in front of others to veil the truth from them?  Am I unwilling to hide behind the excuses that I throw up to veil the truth from myself?  Am I unwilling to speak the truth to myself so that I can hear it (and by hearing, be forced to act) rather than whisper sweet words into my own ear that may make me content but do not institute change in my life.

Be clear that I am not talking about those sorts of self talk that are wrong, the sort of speech that tears one down or constantly seeks to keep one as a small blot on the sidewalk of life.  That is not ruthlessness - that is depression or self deprecation or some third thing that does not accomplish the purpose I am seeking.

Perhaps some may think that I am unusually crazy or even mad for the end of the week.  After all, ruthlessness is not a quality that we typically encourage in ourselves or others.  And used on others it can be a terrible thing that destroys life.

But I wonder if in fact ruthlessness does not reflect Yagyu Munenor's concept of The Life Giving Sword, that the sword can give both death (by killing) and life (by killing those who would harm others).  Ruthlessness - when properly exercised on ourselves - can tear down the veils and illusions we keep in place.  It can quickly cut to the heart of the matter.  It can show us for what we really are and allow us to honestly and truly consider what we need to be to move towards any goal or objective we have identified for ourselves. 

It can tear away the comfortable facades that we love to keep in place to preserve our sense of dignity when such facades only enable us to preserve bad behavior and poor decisions.

Am I ruthless enough with myself?  Probably not.  But if I want to see more growth, I need to prepare to become more uncomfortable with an accurate and penetrating critic:  myself.