Life Hunting

We are in the market for a house.

It has been a long process to get here:  three years of deciding that we wanted to look, followed by a fourth year of waiting for our credit to clear.  And while we were waiting, the market changed on us.

To work in a buyer's market as a buyer is to have the choice of one of many houses that one wants, not only including the very house that one wants but the money that one is willing to pay for it.  It can be the equivalent of a buffet, where you get to choose not only the location and type but amenities and what you are willing to pay for - and what the seller will pay for.

To work in a seller's market is a very different thing entirely. 

The first noticeable item is that houses move quickly, so getting a bid in is important.  The second noticeable item is that pricing immediately becomes an issue; the fact is that if one does not at least meet the bid price for most homes, one will simply get pushed aside out - so one either begins at the asking price or goes a little up.  What this means in a practical way is that your choices become much more limited by the amount of loan you are able to afford. The third item - perhaps the most difficult - is to learn to not fall in love with any home until you have actually entered a contract lest you always find your heart being broken.

But what has become most bothersome to me in looking is the reminder of the failures of my life as I look.

Looking at all of these reminds me of the last time we home shopped almost 10 years ago, back when The Firm was the rage and I felt myself among the great and successful.  I made decisions - foolish ones - that have continued to impact us to this day.  Like buying a house which we never could have afforded, which indirectly came back to losing a house that we never could have afforded.  Like choosing a field based not so much on my ability to succeed in it but on my sincere "dislike" of what I was currently doing at the time.

To house hunt now is to take a realistic look at my life as it truly is and truly will be at this point.  It is accepting the fact that choices do impact what we are able to do moving forward - and that some of my choices have created a situation where what we can get is in some cases significantly bounded by factors which have moved beyond my control. 

I drove by a second house that we are looking at last night.  It is much more similar to the one we are currently renting in term of age, neighborhood and look/feel.  It does not fire my emotions so much as the first house we looked at - which interestingly was built in same time frame as the previous house we had owned - but it is probably a better deal with some financial upside in the long run.

As I drove back I sighed - because I realized that part of my "reluctance" was due to the fact that first house had reminded me more of the look and feel of The Firm and where I was going at that time and the possibilities that existed, while driving by the second house tonight reminded me more of where I actually was in my life right now and the limited scope of what I feel is possible.

It can be a hard thing to take the failures of the past in hand and looking to them, accept them for what they are.  It can be a foolish thing to take the failures of the past and looking to them, fail to learn from what they are.