Disappointment

The ongoing saga of HomeSearch 2012 continues.

The e-mail I sort of expected but dreaded came last night:
- Yes, we were current when approved for our short sale.
- No, we were considered delinquent when the short sale closed because the bank took 6 months to get their act together.
- Bottom line:  best cast we get a package together and take it to the underwriters for approval.  Worst case, we have to wait until December to start the process over again.

This sort of confirms my customary philosophy on things, which is if the answer is not definitively yes, it's no.

Yes, I understand the e-mail doesn't say we can't and yes, I understand that we already have a pre-approval letter.  But I also understand that the logic of saying that we'll go to someone and argue our case when apparently we don't meet the criteria is a weak argument at best.

It's disappointing and confusing because I'm not sure which way to go.  Do we continue to look at houses?  I don't want to be in the position of putting down earnest money and possibly investing in a home inspection only to hear that we have no possibility of being approved?  Do we renew our lease for another year, putting off any kind of change but putting us another year behind earning equity?   Do we just accept the fact that at this time it's not God's will that we have a house?  (Be fair:  the disappointment I feel is that which I created in myself as anticipation of having a home, not anything that God put there)

On one hand it gets back to what I was discussing yesterday, that while I can see evidence that God is providing for us in the underlying  strata of our life, it doesn't feel like the areas of my life that I'd like to see changes in are really occurring.

On the other hand it reminds me (yet again) of the impact that decisions have (usually all the impact for mine seems to be from the bad decisions, not the good ones).  If we hadn't had to have a new house instead of keeping my old one, if I hadn't had to find my own way in life in The Firm instead of continuing to be satisfied where I was, if I hadn't had to change jobs from the company that was doing okay (and is still in business) to the company that went under 5 months after I got there, things would be different.

But then, they would be different the other way too.  If The Firm had had the two or three successes we had needed to keep things going, if the company I went to had succeeded, if the Bank had moved us through the system in a timely manner instead of making us restart the process, we would also be in a different place.

Where does that leave me?  Frustrated.  Feeling powerless.  Feeling that the idea of making no decisions at all is validated by the fact that the ones I make seem to only have impact for the worst.