Tuesday

Happy Birthday.

This is one of the oddest birthdays I can think of - for no other reason that more than any year previous, it simply feels neither festive nor like a birthday.

(Yes, I'm aware it's 0545 and things seldom seem festive then).

Maybe it's related to the fact that my life has been overwhelming both in terms of sheer volume of things to be done and my relative lack of enjoyment of most of it. Maybe it's due to fact that I'm grappling with the fact that everything I wanted to do seems out of touch and out of reach now and there's nothing to really fill the vacuum. Maybe it's because every day is becoming more and more a repeat of the one that went on before, so that one is not so much living life as marking time.

Maybe it's because Tuesday's are the least festive of all days of the week to have a birthday on.

I'm not sure, and possibly there is no good reason. What I do know is that of many of the birthdays I can remember, this one seems the least fraught with the expansiveness of possibilities of another year.