Talking to Myself

I talked with Bogha Frois this evening, hashing out my feeling of reaching limits within myself and not understanding why or what was happening.

And, being Bogha Frois, she cut to the heart of it pretty quickly.

"Your subconscious is talking to you."

"My what?"

"Your subconscious. It's trying to get your attention."

"Okay...what is it trying to say to me?"

"It's time."

"Time?"

"Time."

Fabulous. I'm talking to a Croatian Yoda, who is making about as much sense.

She tried a different tack, apparently convinced that my apparent cud chewing was not an act.

"Did you make any goals for the New Year?"

"Yeah. Actually, I spent about three days doing the process. It was good."

"Then it is your subconscious talking to you. It's like when I had the fire and we lost everything. For a time, I had to concentrate on getting my life back together, getting stuff for the boys, finding a place to live, stuff like that. But at some point, I had to get out of the survival mode and get back into life. I felt a disconnect, a sort of barrier like your talking about. So I got new dishes."

"New dishes." Dear Lord, she's finally gone over the edge.

"New dishes. I didn't have a matching set of dishes, and at some point I finally said 'Enough. I'm tired of living like this.' And the way I stopped living like that was to go out and get some new dishes that matched. Plates and bowls for all of us. It was that taking action that allowed me to move on."

"Hmm. So really, what is going on is part of me is telling another part of me that it's time to move on."

"Exactly. It's your mind's way of telling you that it is time to stop holding yourself back, putting self-imposed restrictions on yourself that you cling to because you think they are still relevant. The rest of you is ready to move on, but you are putting up barriers about why you can't. Tell me this: In your goal setting, did set some goals that you really wanted?"

"Yeah, I think so. Some things I really want to do - in one case, I'm ahead of where I planned to be at this time."

"See, that's it. You're ready to go - just get out of your own way. I really envy you, actually. The times I've done that are some of the most exciting of my life."

"I suppose we should all bask in the warm glow of what is you and your thinking now."

"Do you really think so?"

"Yes", I said begrudgingly, because I hate using that line for others - I'd rather use it for myself. "I really do".

And so home we drove, Bogha Frois basking in the warm glow of being right, me in the sinking sunlight with myself, trying to hear what I was apparently trying to say.