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I find that I lead two - possibly three - very different lives.
The first life is my public persona. Somewhat due to the nature of what I do for a living - and possibly some natural character traits - I come across as a rather exuberant extrovert. I am loud. I am friendly. My day is generally a series of greetings, jokes, and conversations to move things along.
The second persona is my "off-hours" persona. This one is not nearly as exuberant and very much an introvert. Given his choice, he would come home and likely not talk at all, but bury himself in the various projects he has to work on.
The third persona is the one that writes here - neither extroverted nor introverted, but arguably a lot more "himself" than either of the other two. A certain level of anonymity and generally talking (instead of specifically talking about things) - allows that.
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It is a fair question to ask why this is.
To be honest, I cannot really tell you. Things just sort of happened this way. I grew up one way (introvert), I needed to be something else for work (extrovert), and I needed an outlet for the disconnect, which is apparently what this blog has come to be: a meeting ground for the two very different sides of my life, where a neutral third party can think about things and ponder on them.
If ever get the three of these gentlemen in a room together, what a conversation that would be.
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Nature is not like this though. In Nature, everything simply is what it is.
A cat acts like a cat, a rabbit like a rabbit, a tree like a tree, wind like the wind. They are only, ever, what they actually are. In that sense there is a sense of peace even though Nature is not peaceful: Even on a mountain with snow and wind, it simply is what it is. It does not try to be anything else.
Only people, it seems, have this peculiar trait. And perhaps people are the least peaceful thing about Nature.
I wonder what what life would be if I, too, simply was what I was?
A murder of crows is not very peaceful. Crows are like humans, they are social animals.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the complications of social organization adds another layer of dynamics which makes things less predictable.
ERJ - It could be. Certainly an social organization involves a number of individuals which (even if crows) have their own intrinsic motivations.
DeleteAlthough even with crows, they are what they are and do not attempt to be something they are not. People, not so much in my experience.
Congrats TB, Bruce Wayne only had two lives......:)
ReplyDeleteNylon12 - Sadly, I do not have the wealth of Bruce Wayne nor do I have a Batcave....
DeleteI can very much relate to this. Back when I worked in a hospital, I was very aware of putting on my "nursing personality." I became very outgoing and sociable, which is very unlike me but it was necessary for the job. In fact, it was easy to do because my job had a goals and purpose and this was how I accomplished what I needed to do. Everything was on task, and without ordinary human social interaction. It was the ordinary human social interaction that I found confusing and exhausting.
ReplyDeleteI have heard it said that humans are the only creatures who do not do what they were created to do. Everything else acts according to its nature. Humans rebel against theirs.
Leigh - How interesting that I am not the only one that has experienced this. And my experience is exactly the same: human social interaction is the most confusing and exhausting. I try to corral it by associating with humans that make it relatively painless, but it is still there.
DeleteI like the second thought too. We do rebel against our inherent nature, and then are surprised there are "issues".
You have an interesting take on this. I have always felt that I am just one person, someone who stretches now and then to be extroverted but who is comfortable spending time at home being introverted. I'm not sure I could do either of those two things forever but don't mind them in measured amounts.
ReplyDeleteEd - Yours is also an interesting take. I think why I have noted the change is that growing up I was very introverted, but had to learn to adapt to social environments (per Leigh's comment above). At some point I found that I lived in two very different worlds and had become two effectively different people.
DeleteAnd then I started blogging. Suddenly I seemed to find a bridge (over time) between these two and in some ways, perhaps be the person a combination of those two "people". Arguably this is in some ways the most integrated and "real" of the three.
I think that is one of the purposes of this life. To find out what/who you are. I don't think you ever actually get a complete answer (well, I suppose some do, but then I think they transcend this life... but I'd digress). But that is the purpose of this journey, learn about who you are, what makes you up.
ReplyDeleteAnon - I do not disagree with you. And as the years have gone on, I have found aspects and facets of myself that I would have never expected to find, driven by the experiences I would have never expected to have: moving, for example , which brought Iaijutsu into my life and becoming much more involved in rabbits; changing churches, which brought in different views of my religion.
DeleteI do agree there are those that do get a complete answer - some of them practically through their careers (for example, many teachers seem to "know" they were meant for teaching) or those that hear the call of God and understand it. I envy them; I would strike me as a good thing to really know "what" you were called to do. The rest of us just seem to work it out.
Adaptability is a good thing as long as it's not to use, abuse or otherwise harm others (aka social paths).
ReplyDelete1 Corinthians 9: Paul the Servant to All
…21To those without the law I became like one without the law (though I am not outside the law of God but am under the law of Christ), to win those without the law. 22To the weak I became weak, to win the weak. I have become all things to all people so that by all possible means I might save some. 23I do all this for the sake of the gospel, so that I may share in its blessings.…
Michael, that is a good point. And certainly - at least in my experience - adaptability almost always beats out a rigid nature which never allows one to flex when needed.
DeleteDaddy always said, 'too many pep-ples.'
ReplyDeleteAnon, the amount of conversation that goes on in my head (and sometimes out loud) is either amazing or terrifying, depending on one's perspective.
DeleteI love that you’ve brought this out in the open. The effort it took to “play the part” back in my younger corporate days was exhausting…the right clothes, the right hair/look, the right associations, the right parties, the expected behavior. It seemed like professional knowledge and ability weren’t even considered. There was always the fear of people finding out what I was really like (just a normal, friendly, low-key, everyday person). I am 180 degrees different now and much more at peace.
ReplyDeleteAnonJ - It was more of an accident bringing it up, I assure you. Although this has been something on my mind for a while, this tri-furcation of personalities. Like you, I am very different than I was before.
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