A very classic audit technique which regulatory auditors will use to great effect is simply sitting in silence. Silence is a thing that Americans abhor; we are used to our entire days being filled with one sort of noise or another. We cannot stand silence, especially in the presence of another person. Auditors know this; they will use this technique anticipating that the other individual will seek to fill the silence with some sort of conversation rather than just sit quietly. It is at times like these in reactionary situations that things which were not anticipated to get blurted out get blurted out.
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There are a lot of times I speak when I should not (something I am working on), But one thing I have learned over the years is to be able to hold my tongue when someone is offensive.
This lesson has been painfully learned by years of responding immediately, which usually leads to arguments that are never resolved or in the most extreme of cases, relationships that can never truly be made whole. Being silent in such circumstances costs me nothing - oh, I suppose a hurt to my pride or opinion, but these are things that are fleeting in the scope of things. But what it does do - and perhaps this is what Paisos is getting at - is that over time, those comments seem to trail off and end. I cannot fully tell you why - perhaps embarrassment, perhaps losing interest at a lack of response, perhaps even a rethinking of how the thing said actually sounded.
Arguments that are one sided at the beginning never start. And scarcely have I regretted the response to an offensive that I never gave.
The older I get, the shut-uppier I get.
ReplyDeleteMe too John. And the longer I go, the more silent I get outside of very small conversations.
DeleteI was a rock star when our company went through ISO 9000 auditing, just by my ability to sit there in silence.
ReplyDeleteIt truly is a skill and gift in the audit world. I attempt to practice much the same in almost every work related meeting I am in.
DeleteTo paraphrase a biblical proverb: By remaining silent, even a fool is counted wise.
ReplyDeleteThat has been my experience too TB. If one just not adds to the offensive comment, it typically dies on the vine shortly thereafter, probably due to a lack of response.
ReplyDeleteI can hold my own in a one on one conversation which is typically more focused in nature but when I get in a group conversation, I do much more listening.