Long-time readers of this blog may recall that every year, I work on a list of goals for the coming year.
I say "work on". What this really represents is a rather intellectually agonizing process where I look at last year's goals, look at what I want to do for the upcoming year (which may be based on what did not get done last year), and then distill everything into a list. This distillation process easily takes over a month; it usually begins around Thanksgiving and ends just prior to the New Year.
The list breaks down into the "Rule of Five", a concept I liberated from the author Jeffrey Gitomer because 1) It is simple; 2) It limits categories; and 3) I have five fingers on my hand so it makes it easy to remember. The categories are God, Girls (Family), Gold (Career), Iaijustu (primarily Iaijustu, but things that support it), and Ichiryo Gusoku, my "one suit of armor/one plot of land" philosophy. All of this creates the acronym "GGGII", which means precisely nothing (except that I have to remember only two letters multiple times).
This year's goal setting, however, is complicated by a series of factors.
The first complicating factor is simply that this year is a year of big changes. Our oldest child, Nighean Gheal, is both graduated from college and now living in The Big Big City with a real job. The likelihood she will be back for more than short visits is low (barring awfulness, of course). Our middle child, Nighean Bhan, graduated from college in December, is applying to graduate school - and announced during the Christmas Break that she will be moving out soon. And our youngest child, Nighean Dhonn, is a senior in high school that will be going to college in the Fall. In other words, likely within a month we will be down to one child, and within 9 months, down to zero. That changes a great many things, including not only physical people in the house but money and time and the fact that we have a whole new relational dynamic to work through.
The second complicating factor is the fact that my job remains a bit in limbo. 2023 will be a make or break year for my employer. If we make it, a great many things likely become possible. If we break it - well, you will all be treated to a job search in 2023 series. I have literally no control over either of the outcomes (naturally) and because of my unique position in the company, it makes more sense for me to risk going down with the ship that to part ways when there is still a chance of things breaking to the positive side.
The third complicating factor is The Ranch.
The Ranch, as most will recall, is the 90 or so acres that my parents own in literally what is God's Country (although not officially called that, of course). It been my desire to move there for a very long time, at least 20 years or more. The difficulty is that, in speaking with The Ravishing Mrs. TB, it is not quite as burning a desire for her at this time.
That is understandable to me: she has made a life here in New Home. She has a job she likes. She has social groups that she enjoys being a part of, including a group that she travels with. And while I have a long association with The Ranch in a deep way, hers is much less of a spiritual connection (if I may call it that) and much more of a visiting relationship: it is lovely and scenic, but not somewhere she can quite imagine herself living at the moment.
At the same time, she understands what The Ranch means to me - and is willing to try to find a workable solution, even if it means a sort of modified living arrangement for a time.
What this means, of course, is that we are working through it. For now, I am still able to travel back once a month for a week. But if we do not fully intend to move there, it would make more sense to rent the house out for the estate - which to be honest, I have reservations about, both in general as a landlord and specifically as someone who wants to live there (and would like the house more or less in one piece).
This are complicated matters that perhaps even the wisest could not negotiate well, and I am hardly the wisest. But what it may mean is figuring out how to manage living part-time or more in two places for some period of time, while still trying to advance the things I think are important.
All of this, of course is the prologue I have been wrestling with as I have worked on this year's plans. Because for me, even the simplest activity seems to become incredibly complex. The results of that complexity, if I may indulge your patience, will appear in tomorrow's post.
When my MIL passed away in 1999, her estate was divided equally amongst 4 children. Three inherited funds and each took a 1/4 of the home property (surveyed to be 10 acres with MIL's home). The one who inherited the property with home gave up the funds, inheriting only home and property.
ReplyDeleteMy wife and her sister both wanted the house, but for different reasons. My wife wanted to move there and keep it original to her childhood home. Her sister wanted to renovate it to her and her husband's liking.
I told my wife she would likely be unhappy in the home because she wanted to keep house was to keep the memory of her Mom alive. But would realize in time all the memories would not bring her Mom back. My wife thought about it and realized I was right (this time, lol).
This was similar to the situation my mother and her siblings (brother and sister) faced. In their case, my aunt kept their childhood home. For many years she kept it exactly as it was when my grandparents had been alive. She always "intended" to move there, but never really made it more than a second home. She finally renovated it years later - I think she had the same sense of it as your wife.
DeleteThe Ravishing Mrs. TB and I have discussed that were we to move there, we would have to update and change things. Although I have good memories of many of those things, I admit that it is not the sort of decor my wife has here. In this, I will have to adjust.
Renting out the house means carefully vetting potential renters, a difficult task with the housing discrimination laws out there. Good luck TB.
ReplyDeleteNylon12, that has been my reluctance all along as well - we were not going to rent The Cabin out after the last renters left, but as it turned out Uisdean Ruadh needed a place (and if you cannot trust someone after 40 years, who can you trust?).
DeleteI know others - GlassLass, from what I recall at least - have dealt with this in the past. Truly, even after the very innocuous issues we have had (mostly maintenance issues), it is not something I enjoy.
Maintenance issue's is the least of it.
DeleteFrom my short time in the industry, the horror stories are enough to keep me away possibly forever.
DeleteRiding two horses is a circus act. Changing horse in the middle of the river is to be avoided. You are in a delicate position regarding the house and the missus, the job and the market. You have options, and that is a blessing. I'll be praying you move with alacrity if and when the opportunity arises. And that you don't second guess yourself into a pirouette in the middle of a busy highway. (yeah, I'm prone to that, too)
ReplyDeleteThank you STxAR. Part of it is that second guessing that you refer too - hopefully, the decision will be clear (and no need to revisit).
DeleteEver the optimist, whenever in a similar situation facing weighty decisions and an unknown future, I try to remember similar situations in my past and they have all turned out satisfactorily. It reassures me that no matter what happens in my future, everything will turn out fine.
ReplyDeleteEd, oddly enough I am not overly concerned about it. I will just start moving forward and the decision will present itself.
DeleteFrom an old bumper sticker: "It's not an empty nest until they get their stuff out of the attic!" While it's not likely that your girls will be boomerang children, it's always possible if only short term. The best we hope for our girls is to marry well, and enjoy whatever career they embark upon. Our daughter did that, but her new home is 1700 miles away from us, and is a source of heartache and difficulty in arranging visits. Such is the way of life for many, and if you are able to maintain the Ranch as a second home, that is to be admired and pursued.
ReplyDeleteWhen I married, we were both 35 with established homes. We rented hers for the first couple years, but when between renters, we put it up for sale, to our great relief. Unless you know your renters well, as you do, we do not want the headaches of being landlords.
While I admire STxAR's vivid analogy above, I'm not sure it has that much application for you. It is food for thought though.
I retired a year earlier that I'd planned to, but not for one moments since have I had any cause to regret that decision. We hope your wishes and plans can work as well for you.
Greg, that is likely true as well (he says, with a closet full of Nighean Gheal's things).
DeleteI have come to accept the fact that likely none of our children will live in the same town or city (or possibly even state) that we do. It is largely the way of the world now. The best we can hope for is a location they will come to visit (or we can go to visit).
The renters is a huge question mark. We have had to only deal with three sets so far: one was good, one was okay, and then my high school friend Uisdean Ruadh (who is great). Even with the okay renter, we have found some things that have cost us dollars that were a sort of "self-inflicted" issues.
I am somewhat sadly some period of time away from retirement - but maybe closer than I think. I have started asking the question what life would look like if we drastically cut our expenses.
Hey Greg. I try to remember the old saws. There is wisdom there. My head runs all over squirrel town most days. Getting a decision out of it is a process. And my second guesser is a joy robber. I have an endless supply of buyers remorse. Glad not many are like me.
DeleteSTxAR, more often than not I second guess myself into oblivion - very much like you in that sense. I am working on deciding and then moving on.
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