Readers may remember that last October, Nighean Gheal, our oldest, moved out to start her new job in The Big Big City after having spent a little over a year with us post graduation. It was a sad moment, but at the same time carried within it the fact that she would be returning in a little over two months for Christmas.
Yesterday, she left for the second time.
Her adaptation to her new home went okay, but not as swimmingly as might have been hoped. Her job initially had her work offsite for the first month of employment and then only coming in periodically after that. Her living situation did not work out as she had anticipated, and so she entered the market for new place to live. She was scheduled to come home just before Christmas but asked The Ravishing Mrs. TB if she could come home two weeks earlier, as she did not have to go back in to work and the living situation was not improving.
Of course we said, come home.
And so for the last three weeks we have had everyone back in the house again. She worked some, she and the others baked or watched "Vampire Diaries". It was, in a lot of ways, just like life had been prior to October.
But all things come to an end, and so she packed up to return.
There was a real finality to everything as I put the repacked suitcase into the back of The Ravishing Mrs. TB's car. Before it was a known two month absence, now it is likely five months or more (she is returning briefly for Nighean Dhonn's high school graduation). After that, who knows - perhaps again not until Christmas.
This should not be unexpected of course: in theory we raise our children to be independent and thus should not be surprised when they actually become so. But it is one thing to see them go and know they are coming back for time in the not too distant future. It is another indeed to know that their visits will become fewer and fewer going forward.
This, as they say, is the way of things. That does not make it any less easy to endure.
One less sitting at the kitchen table, one less voice around the homestead........enjoy those STILL around TB, hang in there.
ReplyDeleteNylon12, the finality of it was surprising to me.
DeleteWe still have at least 8 months at this point - but with work, school, and activities, we just as often do not seem them as we do.
Reflecting on my own living conditions upon flying the coop, they were absolutely horrid by my standards now. But back then, I was still fresh off the farm and naïve to such things. I was more focused on all the new things outside of my apartments to realize how bad a place I was returning to each evening. I expect my own daughter's experience might be more like your oldest daughters.
ReplyDeleteEd, in her case the neighborhood was okay and the apartment was reasonable (but small). In this case it was a roommate issue.
DeleteOne of the things I am glad about is when I first "lived on my own" in college, it was by myself. I think that helped for later when I had room mates.
Hope things go better for her this time. You all be safe and have a blessed New Year.
ReplyDeleteLinda, I am actually pretty confident things will go better this time.
DeleteI feel you, TB. The departure of our grown children is something to be endured, for sure. When each of our sons left it was with such mixed emotions on our parts. Excited to see them confident about their futures, sadder than sad that we weren't going to see them every day, or be part of those futures in any significant way. Of course, I kept those kinds of thoughts and feelings to myself. It wasn't too long before we converted their bedrooms - one into a study and one into a craft room. That actually helped us move into our new phase. I'm not sure how that effected our sons, though. They may have perceived that we were happy to have the space, but that wasn't the case at all. To this day I don't think they have any comprehension of how much pleasure we feel when they come for a visit. I don't think it's possible for them to understand until (Lord willing) they are someday in these same shoes.
ReplyDeleteBecki - In my mind I always knew this was coming on a more permanent basis - and then the day arrives. Part of me keeps thinking that we had better not completely convert the rooms, given the nature of the economy now, or at least have things ready to convert them if needed.
DeleteWe have of course had NIghean Gheal away at college, so this is not the only time she has been away for a while. But this is the first time I have the real sense that it is more than just a semester or school year or short work week away.
The pride in producing children of character who can act on their own is priceless, and knowing you've made them ready for the world. Don't be sad, be proud. We make them to leave us.
ReplyDeleteWe do John, we do. I have often said we should not be surprised that once we raise our children to be independent and leave, they go. Still, there is a sort of lingering sadness knowing things will never be as they were.
DeleteI know how you feel TB. There is a sad sort of grieving on our part as parents, which gives these milestones a bittersweet twinge.
ReplyDeleteI hope her situation sorts itself out soon. It's a lot to adjust to even if things are going well. The best part is that she has such a good relationship with you and The Ravishing Mrs. TB. Of all the things we parents invest in for our children, that's the most percious.
Thank you Leigh. I will say that she has been actively addressing her living situation in a way I might not have at her age, which is a good thing.
DeleteShe still thinks enough of me to send me animal videos she finds cute or amusing, which I am very pleased about.
I flew the coop (as Ed said) by telling my parents that I had dropped out of college and joined the Navy.
ReplyDeleteAs we don't have children, I never really understood the impact on my parents and mainly the impact on my mother.
We visited friends recently whose only son is wrapping up his third year at West Point, and now I'm seeing it through the eyes of how a mother feels.
I wish I had handled it differently.
I can only speak to the subject of leaving home from my viewpoint, but I have thought about it a fair amount.
In your family, the child is not brutally kicked out of the nest, but there is an understanding that leaving for what will be forever was always on the table, and it's a huge part of growing into adulthood.
Your home provides safety and refuge and your relationship with your children is made better because they know that fact.
John, I do not think any of us really grasp how it impacts our parents when we leave. And to be fair, I cannot think of one friend in college or otherwise (or frankly, myself) that had that as a thought when they headed out the door. To your point, such wisdom has come too late now.
DeleteHopefully to your second point, that is what they feel. Certainly the option of "coming back home" was always on the table when I left (and then came back, and left, and then came back again), but the ultimate expectation was at some point I would be out own my own. It does demonstrate to me (at least) that not everyone is ready to go out the door precisely at the currently agreed upon age of 18.