With the departure of TB The Elder, the question now arise of "When to move".
(Yes yes, I know. End of the world and all. We operate with the best information and situation that we have in hand and plan around that.)
This has been an ongoing discussion for some months, especially with my father's death. It is not an unreasonable discussion: from my parents' estate point of view, the house at The Ranch represents a potential income stream that could be used to offset the living expenses of my mother (although she is covered under a Long Term Care policy that one simply cannot get anymore because it is so good and has a good retirement income, even those have potential limits of course). On the other hand, it makes no sense to rent it if we were to move into it within the next year.
So the question comes: when are we ready to move?
The Ravishing Mrs. TB is more connected to New Home than I am - she has always been much better at making connections wherever we have lived. For me, leaving would be a matter of leaving the dojo (which itself would be hard) and the rabbit shelter (again, hard), and finding a new gym; for her it is leaving a network of friends, travel companions, and the variety of urban life New Home affords. Also, her job is completely tied to a location while mine allows me a great deal of latitude in where I do it from - and if for some reason I were to lose said job, I would likely either try to find the same arrangement or simply find a job here.
The other factor, of course, is that Nigehan Dhonn (the youngest) still has to complete her senior year. So any activities would be deferred until at least June, and more likely until after she leaves for college in August of next year (hard to think of that as soon, but it will be here before we know it). As that is a known date, any potential dates for relocation become tied to the September - October or even November timeframe, as that is when the weather is probably manageable for a move (cooling into Autumn but perhaps not yet in the throes of Winter).
Then of course, the question of the things in the house itself: What stays? What goes? We discussed this briefly when we were here for the funeral, but that becomes a real consideration as well, both for what is to be moved as well as what will be moved (the size of the truck, etc.).
And, of course, there is the question of the property itself - while we have a working agreement between my sister and I that I would keep the property and she would take the estate, there is a a question of value of the property as neither of us really knows (that, fortunately, is a resolvable issue and one that hopefully now that the fire is done, can be resolved as I imagine assessors in the area were busy over the last month). There would be nothing more awkward than to move and then have that discussion.
This, of course, is precisely the sort of thing that drives me the most crazy, the making of decisions and the accompanying commitments. But at the same time, this absolutely has to be planned out and agreed to before too long - after all, plans have to be made one way or the other. Time, as I have been recently reminded, marches on no matter what we think or care to do.
You and your sister should take your time dividing the assets, deciding what is sentimental vs. actual value. Some sentimental items can mean more than the cash value. One way people have divided estates is one person determining the items in the package, then allowing the other to select which package they inherit. Keeps both parties satisfied.
ReplyDeleteSolid advice. The estate will exist through lifespan of my mother (who, other than her Alzheimer's, is in good health) so we are not on a short term time frame per se. She has by and large identified the things she would like to keep from the house; it is I who will struggle with the sentimental versus value portions.
DeleteLots of weights to put on the scale as well as emotions.
ReplyDeleteThere are indeed, Nylon12. My difficulty is that I tend to be highly emotional sentimental and usually want to get rid of nothing - difficult when one now effectively has two households worth of stuff.
DeleteWhen the last of my grandparents died, my dad and aunt got everything valued and then my dad kept the property while my aunt kept the cash from the estate in equal amounts. It worked out well I think.
ReplyDeleteI feel as if I'm facing a similar situation as you in my future. Although I didn't make a decision to come here other than accepting a job that happened to be here, we have stayed through the years to be close to my family. But with my mom gone and my dad moved a long ways away, there really is no family here to keep me. We do have a network of friends but I've made new networks where ever I have been so I'm reasonably sure I could start another one from scratch. Right now, the only thing really keeping us here is to provide a stable atmosphere for the kids until they finish their primary education. After that, a decision will have to be made.
Ed, that is the working plan with my sister and I. One of the reasons I am looking for an assessment is that very reason - to understand now what it might look like. Land here is a funny thing: the house has value, and but it would not be easily dividable into lots.
DeleteWe have very little keeping us in New Home - certainly no family. The conveniences are nice, and The Ravishing Mrs. TB is far more entrenched than I am with friends and interests. But, as you say, she and I have both built new networks when we have moved before.
Oddly enough, next year may represent the first time in a very long time that we have had the true choice of where we would like to live.
I have entertained a thought about a "family corporation" a few times. That might be an option. I think about that when I remember how much land my kin had. Most are gone, but a few are still in their 90's and having birthdays.... I don't know if the cousins have done that or not.
ReplyDeleteYour's is a tough call. I'd do what it took to keep OH, but then dad always told me if you own land, you own something that isn't being made anymore. It's a hedge of sorts. And that land in Old Home is like no other. The balance may be hard to strike. Friends come and go... A redoubt? I know how I'd call it. I trust God will be making things plain to you. Might be prudent to put a little effort into making it a vacation home for now.... in case things fall out in a hurry. I like options.
STxAR, currently the land is in a trust which will end upon the death of my mother. After whatever division takes place, we will need to think about doing something of the same nature.
DeleteMy choice is to keep it - even if, as you say, it just becomes a vacation home or getaway for some years. They are indeed not making more land, and certainly not land like this.
I am hopeful for a clear direction on this from God as well.
Your arrangement with the Cowboy as caretaker sounds about ideal for now. Unless you rent to known friends, there are so many hazards to renting that there is no way I would want to be a landlord. As long as the ranch is being watched and cared for, unless you require the income, it is likely better that it be a "second home" for you, available anytime as it has been.
ReplyDeleteWhen we were preparing to relocate on our retirement, we negotiated an updated HELOC (Home Equity Line of Credit) that would have required an appraisal of our old home. We were able to forego a full appraisal (quite expensive) for a partial appraisal that they called a "Market Evaluation" which was much cheaper. As a means to get an estimate of your ranch's market value, it is worth checking into.
We had put thirty years into renovating and upgrading our old home, putting down roots, so to speak. But I spent our last two years there prepping for letting go of it to move, emotionally detaching and getting ready for a new place. My wife did not do that, so the move was somewhat harder for her than me, even though it was her hometown we were moving to.
Greg - It is an amazing relationship. To be frank, likely my parents could not have been here as long as they could have without it, for which I am grateful. One of the first things I told The Cowboy and The Young Cowboy when we moved my parents is absolutely nothing changed about the relationship.
DeleteMy parents were fortunate in that their renters were (for the most part) good ones, found by relationships to others that had rented before. The current resident, Uisdean Ruadh and his mother, I have known for over 40 years. I had the same reservations as you did when the last renters had moved out and my sister and I were not thinking of re-renting until they had need of a place to live.
Thanks for the advice on the Market Evaluation. That is exactly what we are looking for, a round number to start planning. The thing that I do not want to happen is that we reach that point and there is a surprise in the value of the property we did not plan for.
Interesting you speak of emotional detachment to the home. I am there as well, honestly: I do what I need to but am reluctant to invest more energy and time beyond what will be needed for the sale. And my wife, as your sounds, is definitely more attached (although to be fair, it would be my hometown we are moving closer to.
What Greg said, as far as renting.
ReplyDeleteBesides the fact that my husband and I loved the farm house, the reason we ended up with it, and not the brother who could have afforded to fix it up, is his wife is a 'city mouse'. Lots of friends and things to do and places to go. And while there is family in Monroe and Baton Rouge, etc., the farm house was not her idea of a home.
It will work itself out as intended. We are all where we are meant to be at this time.
You all be safe and God bless.
Agreed Linda. We were so fortunate to find Uisdean Ruadh and his mother at the time we did - and I think he will be a long time renter (which is fine, that is just what we need).
DeleteIt takes a certain kind of person to love life "Out Here", as Tractor Supply would say. In this area, there are almost always homes for sale; my theory is that people think they want to live "out in the wild" until they live "out in the wild" and find out that the things they were used to are either not as prevalent or a 30 minute drive away. Suddenly, the thrill of such a life is less enticing.
And all the work involved, TB. I agree.
DeleteAs smarter people than I have said Linda, those chores do not do themselves.
DeleteMy mother's death was easy in that department. She owned nothing and I told my brother he could have whatever he wanted. He got a bit bent out of shape when he discovered that she did not own the farm. Apparently she has always told everyone it was her place free and clear. The look on my brother and sister in laws face when I clued em in on the fact that I had actually paid in full for this place back in the 90's was priceless. Did not surprise me in the least to find out my mother had been telling everyone I was sponging off her LOL.
ReplyDeletePP - I remember you talking about the farm earlier; I did not realize that you had purchased it outright.
DeleteIn retrospect, this is something I wish I had discussed with my father years ago. It is one thing I am thinking the assessment might help with: if things are out of whack between the value of the estate and the value of the property, we may see if we can buy some of it now, or at least start buying it.
That is unfortunate that your mother said that and left that impression. I am sure it was not a pleasant conversation after your brother and sister in law found out.
You've talked about this from time to time for awhile now. It's wonderful that you are on such good terms with your sister. My dad and his sister were similar when my grandparents died. But Dan's family is entirely different, and it's a hurtful thing when money is more important to people than their kin.
ReplyDeleteLeigh, when my maternal grandparents passed away, it was not a good situation, which was surprising considering how well my mother and her sister and brother got along. Money does strange things to people.
DeleteOne thing I talked with The Ravishing Mrs. TB about and am starting to actively work on is getting an idea of the value of the property such that if there is a great disparity in value between the property and the rest of the estate, we can begin to address now, when there is still time to react.