In a comment from yesterday's post, Leigh notes that Francis Schaeffer has commentary about the growing apathy for society.
And something clicked for me: Apathy. What I am feeling is apathy.
Apathy, for those that may not know the history, is derived from Ancient Greek and is really an opposition word to "πᾰ́θος" (pathos), a word which had several meanings but included things such as strong feeling, pain or suffering, or even misery. The "a" makes it in opposition, thus "ἀπάθεια" or "without feeling". We have changed the meaning slightly to meaning "without feeling" or "without caring".
How does one arrive at apathy? Especially when in so many ways, we all seem to come out of youth with a great deal of caring and feeling and enthusiasm (or most of us, anyway; I sure there are some but I am also certain I did not recognize them at the time).
If I sit and think about my own journey in the past two years - and I think that is a fair measure for this current feeling - it seems to be a combination of personal and impersonal factors. For the personal factors, the single biggest seems to be my job change of two years ago this month (otherwise known as A Sort Of Hammerfall). While a good many things came out of that unintentional and unexpected transition, what also came out of it was a vast sense of the fact that 4 years of supreme effort and always trying to meet expectations, of stress and worry and putting off others things to make the work move forward was ultimately reduced to a review telling me I failed and a letter reassigning me. Just to be frank, it is hard to find the follow up effort (beyond the loyalty I have to my current management, who took me in and for whom I need to succeed) to continue to be deeply invested on a personal level. It becomes a matter of earning my salary and hoping to yield financial gain - in other words, a business arrangement.
The Plague was another contributing factor, more of an external one - not that it impacted me very much directly, but it did deeply impact the world around me. I - and heads far wiser than I - could clearly see the impact that closing businesses and enforcing demands would have, on the economy and on people's lives. Those conclusions were either ignored or glossed over as "it will just all work out". It has not all just "worked out" and we are continuing to deal with the backwash today and we will for years to come. In other words, we - all of us - will be expected to recreate that which a few thoughtlessly destroyed with the stroke of a pen.
In my religious life, the combination of halting in person meetings and the lurch of the church away from what has been defined as "traditional Christianity". We became much less a people about holiness and seeking God and became much more about other things. Again, as with The Plague, the expectation is that I would merely go along with it all. My thoughts or my opinions had no place.
The last thing - and the most difficult to write about without engaging in partisan sorts of things - is simply the nature of the society (American, in my case) of the past two years. Sufficient to say that for any number of reasons - politically, socially, intellectually - I find I am effectively an outsider in this society.
The thing that comes across as I write all of this is that my perception (whether that is reality or not) is that I have no voice or ability to influence or change these things that I am involved in. I contrast that to something like my own personal life - say, my mortgage. I have a direct impact on my mortgage and therefore care about seeing it paid, even if I am not always thrilled about doing it. Over time, if I regularly pay for another 20 + years, it will be paid off. As opposed to all of the other things I have listed above, where effectively I can be in them and do them for the rest of my life and have not a whit of impact on any of them.
I suppose the argument could be made that there is a sense that I have a limited investment in any of these things anymore. And that is by combination of circumstance and choice, I guess. The circumstances may (or may not) have caused the disconnect; I have chosen to continue to let the disconnect occur.
But how, the logical question follows, would someone such as myself starting caring about such things again?
At its most basic level, I might feel more engaged if I felt like I actually had a place in any/all of these things. Secondarily, if any/all of these things had a vision and goal that was moving in a way that it impacted my world view for good, not just treated it as "along for the ride" and a fait accompli that of course I had to support and endorse it.
To some extent this all rings of selfishness (and perhaps to some extent that is true), but I would be less than honest to myself and to you if I did not follow the thoughts where they lead. In short, the world about me has done everything in its power to disengage my caring about or interest in it except on a very personal level. Is that selfishness, or simply an understandable reaction to the circumstances?
The way to overcome not caring is to care; how, I wonder, do I truly begin to re-care about things that in some way feel as if the passion and vision have been burned out of my soul?
You still have a mortgage, TB? GAH! You have my sympathies.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if maybe I am a little further down that trail you are on, TB? I know our journeys are not the same, but they rhyme from time to time and though we disagree on lots of things these days, it wasn't so long ago that I would have agreed with you word for word.
For me, my apathy was a self defense mechanism. If I allowed myself to care about people or institutions or organizations I took part in, I usually ended up regretting it. Why beat yourself up? It's a bad trail to be on, and a damned hard one to get off of and come back from. Apathy is not healthy, and it is exactly what the bad guys want of you: "you don't matter, shut up, sit down, do as you're told, nobody cares what you want or think..." It's also a convenient way to let yourself off the hook for having any culpability in the consequences that comes from all this BS too. Being apathetic is easy.
Your voice counts, your opinions matter and you matter, TB.
Glen - Yes, sadly a mortgage. Mostly the outcome of a set of rather poor decisions - the Firm being one of them - that ultimately had us sell our house in a short sale. In turn, this effectively locked us out of buying a house for another five years. Ironically, had we stayed in our original house from the last 1990's we would likely be paid off. Now, with what is likely an impending move, it makes limited sense to so so.
DeleteI think our journeys do rhyme from time to time Glen, which makes the whole conversation all the more fascinating.
It certainly is an easier path, and there is some quote running round (probably many of them) to the effect that people do not exercise the power that they do no think they have. At the same time, I think the other reality that has to be considered is that not everything deserves our pathos (feeling, in the original Greek sense). There are institutions and movements and people and relationships that are simply not worthy of the investment of time and energy to keep them going.
In my mind, a similar example would be cars. There are some cars (say, a 1960's Mustang) that are likely worth all the time and energy and money to keep going. There are other cars - say, my 201X nameless commute car - that serve a purpose but at some point will simply not make sense to continue to pour money into (to be fair, that was pre-2021. It may actually make sense now).
Does the fact that I have named my feelings and realize what it is bother me? It does. At least I know it.
One thing - and I touched on it at the end - is passion and vision. "Without vision the people perish" says the Bible. Perhaps simply what I lack is a vision of better world - after all, if you can see something in your mind, you can conceptualize it and begin to work before it. Right now I seem to lack that overarching vision, and I (for one) do not see anyone convincingly introducing another.
Saw the title. Clicked on it,, started to read it, wound up just quickly scanning it..
ReplyDeleteI just don't care enough.
Intentional, sarcastic, or serious - well played!
DeleteI can see your point. I have been having that struggle for quite a while. My "mate" abandoned me when I was injured, even after all the sacrifices made over 4 decades; my health tanked, even after healthy living; displaced even after 24 years of solid performance at work.
ReplyDeleteWhen the Pharaoh in Exodus refused to let God's people go, God hit everything that was worshiped in Egypt. There are times I wonder if those things were idolatry to me, and God had to remove them so that I would understand my dependence on Him alone... I don't know for sure.
One concept I am sure of is to bloom where you are planted. I've taken on a mentor role with a young relative; I actively engage with my friends on the 'net; I am working on a vision to be productive going forward; I am challenging myself by learning a new machine process (plasma table). I guess I've come to the conclusion that my vision is what matters now, not the vision of any politician... not anymore.
Those of us who care and really matter took some major splash damage over the last few years. Our investments appear to be failing, but we are the skeleton that all the floppy meat hangs on. Stay strong brother, and don't fear the sifter. The dross is burning away and what really matters will be left over. At least I hope there is something left!
STxAR - There is a sense that I wonder if that is true in my own life as well. As the saying goes, "What can you not live without? What will you sacrifice for? That is what you worship." And God will ultimately strip away everything that is not of Him from our lives.
DeleteI like your suggestion that essentially we make our own visions - at the same time, our own vision cannot save (directly) the world around us. And maybe, now, that is okay.
One does indeed wonder what the world would look like if the skeleton was removed.
I'm in the same boat, TB. I don't see it as apathy though. Instead it's the realization that I can only do so much. I can only have a certain amount of influence on the world around me. The worst part of this is that I DID grow up learning my history. I DO read my Bible. I see where the world is headed and know it's been there before. both politically and biblically. It's not apathy to see what's coming, warn the Bernie babies "You'll be SOOOORRY," and build myself an "ark." It's knowledge. It's WISDOM. I'm certain that every person who has been fortunate enough to reach our age has gone through this.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have a mortgage as well. I got into the home ownership thing late in the game, having done 21 years in the military. I'll likely never get it paid off before I die or we have to sell, but face it; we entered life with a zero balance and will take noting with us. As with this world, my estate will be left for my sons to deal with...
Pete - There is a certain amount of realization that we have been on this ride before and - human nature being what it is - it will end badly and poorly. To that extent, insulating one's self from the relatively likely circumstances is almost like a form of quarantine to manage the potential impact to our lives - and even, depending on the nature of what is being preserved, acting like an ark as you suggest.
DeleteI am not thrilled about the mortgage, but at the moment paying it down more quickly seems to make not the most amount of sense.
As you know we have a mortgage now, too. In our 60s. Something we didn't plan on; but if we wanted to stay here on the property hubby grew up on, it had to be.
DeleteAnd after a year in an apartment, I think it is somewhat preferable.
Be safe and God bless you all.
Linda, a great point: Life throws things at us that we do not expect. And yes, I can certainly imagine it is more preferable than living in an apartment for a year.
DeleteApathy fits right in with the word "acedia". I recently read a book called "Acedia & me" by Kathleen Norris. I highly recommend it.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kelly! That was the other word I was struggling for. I appreciate the book recommendation.
DeleteThe apathy is real. It is difficult to maintain faith in a system of systems that has so often proven to be less than, or other than, advertised.
ReplyDeleteConsider the institutions that have been proven, well, misleading...
The sports heroes that beat their many girlfriends.
The doctors that are found to be in financial cahoots with the pharmaceutical companies.
The politicians that are caricatures of the ideals they claim to represent.
There are many others.
A general sense of 'why should I' is certainly understandable at the present time, considering the gross malfeasance and/or utter disregard for common sense we have been treated to lo, these many years. Now that the gloves have come off, and government seems to no longer feel it necessary to be surreptitious, the true nature of the machine we have collectively supported to date is now revealed in all it's horrible majesty.
Apathy, at this point, is the least of our worries. And it, too, shall pass in the face of necessity.
Buckle up. Go with God. Hold the line.
Mike in Canada
Mike - Perhaps that is it: over the last few years, the social/political/economic and to some extent religious system has laid its cards on the table, and those cards are pretty much a combination of authoritarianism seasoned with a large measure of hypocrisy for those "in the know". At a fundamental level, I struggle in any way supporting a system that has clearly demonstrated this is its end goal.
DeleteI had not thought of apathy as the least of our worries - but perhaps, as you say, it is.
Hold the line indeed, and thanks for stopping by.
TB, I'm curious if you're interested in elaborating on how the "religious system has laid its cards on the table". I have experienced my fair share of disillusionment with how "church is done" over the years, but I see that more as a failure of man (or people), rather than a system. I also don't really understand the paragraph in your post that talks about religion. Maybe I'm just not experiencing church in the same way you are (or maybe our church structures are simply different - I don't know). Anyway... I'm curious about this - if you care to elaborate. And if you don't, that's certainly ok. I realize you may just be exploring your feelings at the moment.
DeleteBecki - Thanks for asking. Interesting question.
DeleteMy comment about the church system laying its cards on the table is that the church - it seems to me, in large part - has chosen sides in the social and political discussions of our day. One of the great fallacies, it seems to me, is the one that says "We are not conservative or liberal, we are Christian" - which is a lovely thought and in theory what we should be. In point of fact, what it too often turns out to be is simply too much of one and not enough of the other.
Church - at least church the way I understand Christ and the apostles to have intended it - is in fact neither conservative nor liberal, but neither is it lukewarm and socially and politically oriented. The single biggest way I often see this played out is the inability of many churches to simply discuss "sin" in the context of the Bible. From my reading and my experience, God's definition of sin is pretty straightforward, but the modern church has morphed it into esoteric descriptions without keeping the simple as well. An easy example: The admonition of committing adultery with the eyes versus the physical act is a well known example from Matthew for which many will discuss the scourge of pornography (and rightly so), but ignore the very simple fact that if we participate in the larger system of media we are enabling the same thing due to the general content of so many programs. Suggestive content and inappropriate scenes that portray a sin are no less of a sin than the actual act, yet somehow many divorce the reality from the "right" to entertain themselves.
Perhaps said another way, the modern church chooses the sins it like to decry, while ignoring the fact that the society in which it lives is becoming less and less of what God seems to have wanted. If I were to say "I am losing weight" but all I did was eat and not exercise, you would question whether I was committed to what I said I was doing or just saying it - and you would be right to do so. The modern Church says it is becoming more Christlike, but evidence does not seem to bear this out.
Sorry, it feels like I got a bit preachy in this response. My disappointment in my modern experience with church is rather profound.
Good food for thought in this response, TB. Thank you. I understand better now what your first comments mean or refer to. Re: your comments about how the church discusses sin is one I've pondered as well. And have felt my own convictions over - meaning in how I tolerate sin portrayed in media that I know would require something different from me if I were facing it in real life.
DeleteThere's more I'm tempted to start writing about, but this comment would get crazy long if I do that. Let me add, though, that this topic reminds me that I recently acquired the book, Respectable Sins by Jerry Bridges. Pulling it off the shelf and reading the Table of Contents it doesn't appear that it touches the topic you have here, but maybe this book would be a good starting point for me in confronting this issue of tolerating sins. Thanks for the prod - that you probably didn't even mean to give me.
Becki - Happy that I made some sense (I do not know that I always do). In terms of the media, I was forcefully confronted with my own hypocrisy this year. It was the end of a rather long running internal conversation, but it has made me think deeply about it.
DeleteAnd to be clear, in pointing the finger at "The Church", I am just as much pointing the finger at myself. It strikes me as odd that largely (again), the church will only do this is certain areas, not all areas.
I am not familiar with Respectable Sins but I am familiar with Jerry Bridges - His book The Pursuit of Holiness holds an honored place on my bookshelf and I have read it several times (and been challenged every time). Thank you for the recommendation.
The government sells so much that winds up shown to be
ReplyDeleteOther than Advertised
that, I.M.O. anyone who first trusts, then suffers disappointment, has it coming. When government And media are lockstep?
Run away, run away!
JU_O_G - In the annals of history, the complete breakdown of the American media system into a lap dog of the government will go down as one of the greatest failures of late 20th/early 21st American society.
DeleteI am wondering how Americans of different political stripes are viewing Putin's crack down on "Fake News" in Russia. I imagine all are equally horrified, but I fear the resulting irony of the left's cancel culture and social media's censorship of anything deemed dangerous will be be completely lost on half of us.
DeleteOTOH, it may be our best opportunity to wake up as a country. I'm praying to that end.
Becki - I do not think everyone is alarmed by it. On the whole, our Western society has embraced the idea of censoring that which is not "correct" to the current narrative. It is a concerning trend. One wonders how, in the upcoming political season, the idea of a "Free Press" will be argued. Were I a candidate, I would make a platform of it.
DeleteA pale moonbeam shone
ReplyDeleteThrough tree shadows on the snow
Which way do we go.
The Spring swallows sing
Deleteregardless of the world:
I lack their clear song.