Pages

Saturday, July 10, 2021

July Update On TB The Elder And Mom: The Fourth Moving

 Last week we moved my Mom into the same facility as my father, TB The Elder.

This was a discussion my sister and I have had for about two months, something we had talked about doing but were reluctant to undertake as we had moved my mother twice now in four months and we did not necessarily think it prudent as we wanted her to adjust.  It was always a "if the facility maybe has space" discussion.

Two factors changed our minds.

The first was that they had communicated to my sister that my mother would need a higher level of care.  We certainly did not dispute that; what we did worry about was the additional cost (another 20% or so of the current amount) they wanted to charge to perform the services.  At some point this was going to become too expensive, especially without insurance.

And insurance was, in fact the second reason - or rather, their inability to get things squared with the insurance company.

Insurance companies, as anyone who has ever dealt with them knows, want forms and paperwork and answers.  The facility - both when my father was there and my mother in both her first and second locations which were owned by the same company- could apparently not get the correct paperwork to the insurance.  My sister followed up with them multiple times, and the insurance company always told them "We are lacking this" or "We did not get this."

I think the deciding factor came when the insurance company related that they had spoken with the director of the facility and the director had said that they did not meet the requirements (which is, of course, not what they told us - but then again, the insurance company is also rather famous for "intuiting" conversations).  Either way, this was becoming a losing battle on both the "getting the information out" and "getting the facility approved" fronts.

The place TB The Elder has been in, by contrast, got the job done.  We got a check two weeks ago for his full stay amount to that time.  Somehow a small, family owned business was able to navigate the insurance waters in a way that a larger corporation was not.  And, they charge a single price for everything.  And the fact that they are about a mile away from where my sister lives is extremely helpful as well.

So on a Thursday after a doctor's visit, my sister just drove my mother down there.  They pulled up to go in.  My sister was going to take my mother's clothes in after the escorted her in, but my mother asked her "Do I have luggage?"

"Sure Mom, right here.  I will get it for you."

My brother-in-law and I went back two days later, collected everything that was in her room - the bed, the chair, the cabinet, the table, and a bevy of towels and sheets - and headed back to The Ranch with it.  Almost five months to the day that we first moved everything away.

We stopped by to see TB The Elder and Mom the next day.   My father is about the same:  he recognized all of us (The Ravishing Mrs. TB and the two younger Na Clann) but did not make a great deal of sense in his conversations.  My mother was happy to see us as she always is and seemed to know who we were, to the point that she knew that the oldest was not with us.    During parts of the conversation that my father would make, my mother would turn to look at him and say "I do not understand what you are saying".  

The owner (who we see there all the time when we are visiting, a good sign) said they had been inseparable since she had arrived.  So perhaps, after this rather long and circuitous route, there may be a form of a happy ending, or as happy an ending as we can hope for given everything that has occurred since the beginning of the year.

22 comments:

  1. So glad that your mum and Dad are together

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you JC. This was always the (hoped for) plan; it just took longer to get here than we expected.

      Delete
  2. Well at least some parts of the system appear to be working TB. Hopefully it’ll all sort itself out for you guys soon…

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is Glen, which does make me wonder a bit how much is truly the insurance company being a bit "difficult" and how much is an honest lack of concern about that side of things for a larger corporation that gets paid anyway. At this point, I think the best thing we can hope for is to get the current place covered and accept that for 4 months, we essentially paid for things "out of pocket".

      Delete
  3. Anonymous9:38 AM

    TB, you and family have my prayers for the very best. Keith

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Keith. Very much appreciated - and given where we are, pretty darn effective.

      Delete
  4. "..as happy an ending as we can hope for..."
    My wife and I think that we have changed our thinking to reflect the normal of dealing with Alzheimer.
    But we still stumble from time to time and have to once again realize that rationale thought is mostly, or totally gone.
    I'm slowly realizing that we have to continually lower our hopes without completely giving up hope.

    As JC said, I'm happy that the insurance problems are lessened, and your parents are together.



    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. John, a very wise person (not me, of course) once said "Disillusionment is the child of illusion". "Illusion" is probably a great overstatement in this case, but the intent is the same: I become depressed or angry when things happen that are not as I thought they would be because I believed that they would be so. These are things that are probably true under normal circumstances, but as you note, Alzheimer's throws "normal circumstances" out the window (and then proceeds to throw everything else in the closet out as well). One starts to look for the smallest of things - my mother realizing that one of the children was not there, for example, or my father recognizing all of us - to, as you say so well, not completely give up hope.

      Delete
  5. I'm really happy to hear they are together again TB. I'm sure this has been a rough time for all of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Rain. It is a good thing for both of them, I think - and this will reduce the load a lot on my sister, who will now not have to go to two different places (as I mentioned, this is a mile/.6 km from her house). I think the biggest adjustment - as John mentioned - is the process of adjusting to the "new normal" on a very frequent basis without truly losing hope.

      Delete
  6. Blessed are those that honor their parents when they age. It's a daunting task, but allows dignity again to those that are ravaged by age.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Jess. Those people that said "Getting Old is not for the weak" are far more correct than anyone really likes to believe.

      Delete
  7. All good news it would seem, TB.
    You all be safe and God bless.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It is Linda. After the way this year has gone, we will take anything we can.

      Delete
  8. I'm so glad this seems to have brought itself to a good ending (or at least, stage). We have been through this before Covid, I can only imagine how much worse it has become with the insurance companies. God bless you and your sister, as well as your parents. Keep taking each day as it comes, and work from there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Caryn.

      It is relatively fascinating to me how many people seem to have been through this, although it seems to be a knowledge dump that is found more through osmosis than by regular distribution. I have no idea why.

      The insurance company has been difficult, but at least we finally got my father's claim through. Hopefully my mother's will be equally as quick.

      Delete
  9. I love happy reunions. Blessings to you all!!!
    ~hobo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you Hobo! This was always the (at least hoped for) plan; it just took us five months to get there.

      Delete
  10. I am SO glad this worked out this way! Seems very providential to me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Leigh, we are as well. One wishes it had not taken a total of four moves to get here, but I suspect there is a reason for that as well, something I cannot see from this side of Heaven.

      Delete
  11. Praying your parents will find some measure of comfort together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sbrgirl, thank you and as are we. It was comforting that even though they had not seen each other in a little over a month, they both recognized each other - my mother definitely, my father much less able to tell. But I think he does.

      Delete

Comments are welcome (and necessary, for good conversation). If you could take the time to be kind and not practice profanity, it would be appreciated. Thanks for posting!