Keeping To Yourself

One of the best pieces of advice which I probably did not take until later in life (hopefully not too late) is "Keep to yourself" - or perhaps, :"Keep to yourself (and carefully chosen friends)."

We live in a world where the expectation is that we will be spreading ourselves all over the place, like quilts on a summer day for a picnic:   activities, social media, organizations, employment.  That this is something that we need to engage as part of a free, 21st Century society. That somehow this is "freeing".

To suggest that one does not want to be part of this great exposure is to commit a form of heresy.  There is something wrong with you. When someone asks about social media, try mentioning that you do not have accounts or you have not posted to them in several months or years - the looks you get will be amazed, surprised, and astounded.  When asked about the latest entertainment attractions - streaming, movies - mention you do not use them or go to them.  It is as if you have lost the ability to entertain yourself.

But I would argue these are merely surface indicators of greater intrusiveness.

More and more in my experience, participants in any group or conversation are somehow expected to "open up":  to share their thoughts and feelings, often with strangers; to somehow be "transparently honest and vulnerable" about things that many people scarcely discuss amongst their close family and friends, let alone a casual stranger.

I would guess some of this is fueled by the idea that we now have the freedom to say and express anything we want - and therefore we should.  The accompanying axiom is that if some feel the need to say and express everything, everyone should feel free to - or be "encouraged" to.

The rather sad accompanying reality of this, of course, is that freedom to share is not willingness to accept. To expose an opinion or thought which is not currently in vogue is to unleash the forces of  "polite distancing" or "wrong headed thinking".  And thus individuals are thrown into situations where they are suggested to, pleaded with, even almost bullied into communicating, only to then be thrown under the bus for said communication.

Do not make the mistake I am discussing something as mundane as politics or social issues here.  Anything - beliefs on agriculture, philosophy, religion, even hobbies - are open to this sort of push and pull, this sort of "I want to hear your thoughts" followed by "Those are terrible thoughts."

And thus, the realization that the advice "Keep to Yourself" is real form of wisdom.

There is nothing - not one thing - that requires me as an individual to express an opinion or a thought to anyone.  There can be some things that compel me to speak out, but those things are relatively few and far between. For the most part, I get to make a decision about whether or not I want to participate in a discussion or offer an opinion.  

Once upon a time, a thought or opinion or relationship that allowed the communication of such was considered to be a privilege, not an expected right.  Somewhere along the way we upended the expectation and now those that wish to live private lives of thought and action are at best considered selfish, at worst considered dangerous.

Of course, groups of people that think the same, discounting any other sort of opinion and demanding a single voice, are mobs.  And mobs, as history shows us, are dangerous.