This Christmas is turning out to be a very somber one, based on any number of factors. My maternal aunt has just passed away. My father has returned from the hospital and hopefully we will have a better handle soon on why he has been feeling out of sorts. My mother's memory issues are reaching the stage where we may have to make additional plans.
The instinctive wish, of course, is to reach out and think of last time you had an "ordinary" Christmas, when everyone was together, the warm sort of family event that fills our mind with happy remembrances and a sense of "what Christmas should be like".
I can reach out to last year, when we were all together - except our oldest, Nighean Gheal, who was in Italy for her schooling. But then I realize that she was also there not there the year before, when she was in Hong Kong. So really "all of us together" is pushed back another two years.
But then I realized that for my generation (6 cousins), we have not all been together even longer than that, perhaps 14 years, before the rather memorable experience (not in a good way) of having a small, controlled nuclear detonation which managed to ensure that we would probably never get together in that way again (which, to be fair, is exactly what happened).
That Christmas all of our children would have been born, and my niece and nephew of a similar age. My cousin's child of similar age would also have been there.
Suddenly that seems like a very long time ago.
Memoria is a funny mistress. She plays tricks on us when we least expect it, adding things where no such things occurred or compressing time to where a thing that seemed to be only yesterday turns out to be so long in the past that it can scarcely be believed.
And Christmas - at least as a family event - is not what it used to be either. Too many words unspoken lest conflict break out, in a way too much time apart from a relatively similar upbringing to find commonality. We speak of what has happened to us personally in three to four hours that we spend together but not more, lest we say or do something that ends in even less of a Christmas going forward.
We will go this year, and see my parents in their home and my sister's family (but no-one else except from a distance of course, due to The Plague). And this will get filed away as "The Last Christmas That...."
Of all the markers of changes in my life, I had not in any way anticipated that Christmas would be one of them. I now find it to be the one reliable marker, year over year, of how things have changed. In so many ways, the high water mark seems to have been reached and every year, the line is drawn lower.
I'm not sure when we had a Christmas when we were all together but I'm guessing it is closing on 15 years or so. My nuclear family, much smaller than yours is scattered out across the width of this country so it made it hard, mostly for my brother to visit during that time. Fortunately for about ten years, we did all get together but at a different time other than Christmas and would spend a week on a Florida beach. I remember those times fondly and wonder if we will ever do such things again.
ReplyDeleteEd, we used to do family reunions during the summer as well which helped to fill the gap - but as with all other things, as people passed they happened less and less and then not at all.
DeleteThe modern world - at least the modern world in the United States - makes it much more difficult to do anymore as so many are spread out and not close to each other anymore. Add in The Plague - and yes, I wonder as well.
The first Christmas after mom passed was so hollow. We just sat around and talked in hushed tones. Dad tried, God rest him, but it wasn't even close to the same.
ReplyDeleteWe started our own family Christmas traditions after that. Made it fun for the kids. We had a ball, too.
This year has been... difficult. No real cheer here in the abode. I'm kinda off balance. I've run off the map. Uncharted land.
As we navigate the new land, may your family life be blessed, your work life be encouraging, and your spiritual life an inspiration to all. They may look like three separate things, but they are all in one pot. One pot Christianity. (see, I remembered it Dr. Graff)
STxAR - That how it was the first year after my maternal grandmother passed as well. It just was not the same. And then, we built our own traditions just as you did as well. And then, things have fallen apart again.
DeleteThis year has a bit of a pall on it as well, between my now deceased Aunt J and my mother and father's health issues. A sense of finality that has not been there before. So the cheer, as you suggest, is muted at best.
I appreciate your wishes StxAR, and nothing but the same for you as well. May the New Year bring us clarity of purpose and vision, if nothing else.
Much like Aunt J, my Aunt Pat had a stroke today. Not much to do but make her comfortable. She's mid 90's and ran like a top until this morning. She was the one person in the family that had time for me. I'll miss her terribly. But I look forward to the reunion in the future. What a year...
DeleteOh, I am so sorry to hear that STxAR. My condolences.
DeleteBut yes, the future reunion will be glorious.
Oh, I hear you about memory.
ReplyDeleteMy mother is getting very forgetful. I am not quite so bad; but I know of which you speak. And she needs to move from assisted living to a nursing home; but covid keeps her where she is. That and Michigan's worthless governor.
On my husband's side, the last time we got together was 2013. The year he tore the rotator cuff of his right shoulder.
On my side, it was when my dad passed. I think it was'86, but here is when I certainly can relate because I don't specifically remember the.
It kept me from going on flying status in Germany, for which I am grateful.
My mom told me a couple days ago she only had 10 Christmas cards to send because everyone else on her and my dad's side had passed.
Or not kept in touch. There are still cousins; but I have 5 brothers, so...
Be safe. Be thankful. Praise God. Merry Christmas and God bless you all, TB.
Linda - We have a fair amount of cousins that are remote at this point as well; I doubt I would remember them or they would remember me at this point.
DeleteI do worry about the impact of The Plague on the health of retirement homes and assisted living. It is one of my big concerns as we look to next steps for my mother.
Have a wonderful Christmas as well!
Reminds me of your post a couple of months ago about what you would do differently if you knew it was the last time.
ReplyDeleteTewshooz, I wonder if there is something inherent to our makeup as human nature that almost prevents us to think this way. We can think in terms of preparation for physical risks, but never for emotional risks.
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