One of the outcomes of the current "Stay Home" situation is that I have had plenty of time to think.
What it has made me realize is that my life has kind of fallen into a rut.
With the removal of the activities I usually do (currently Iaijutsu is not having classes until at least 07 April and the gym is closed), my life has shrunk to my house and online.
I have been reading, of course. But one can only read for so long before one needs a break (trust me, actual reading material is not a problem. We probably have close to 1000 books here. We are fine in that regard).
I have been following the news as well - but that can be rather depressing and updates only come in so fast.
What I have come to realize - after thinking and wandering around the house or around the neighborhood - is that so much of what I have done in the past for entertainment and enjoyment has been slowly removed out of my life over the last three-four years. Mostly by me.
Why? Primarily it is because of my job, because now I had this important position which consumed (and right now still consumes) so much of my time. I went from working and having time for all kinds of things to working more and feeling like I did not have "time" because I had to work. Work - or doing things to move forward at work - became the most important thing. Anything that fell outside of that ring, anything that did not yield tangible benefits, was eventually pushed to the side and became something "I used to do".
I cannot honestly tell you where this transition happened. It was well before last year, maybe two years out. Maybe before the large pay increases kicked in and I felt I need to be more involved. But where it seems to rapidly brought me to is where I am now - looking at adding time to my life and feeling like I very little to do with it.
(A side note: I think this is why lots of retirees who die soon after they retire. They have filled their life with nothing but work and, having reached the end, find that they have nothing else.)
So in a sense, my upcoming enforced transition has been a good thing. And being stuck at home has been a good thing. But now I need to do something about it. And it needs to be pretty dramatic, before things become irreparably lost and I cannot do any of these things.
I need to make a list:
- Things I can do (e.g., have done or do and have the materials/training to do)
- Things I need to do (at home, there are plenty of tasks to be done!)
- Related to that, long term tasks I have been putting off)
- Things I would like to do and what that would take
- Finally, I need to arrive on a realistic schedule for actual "work" that looks a lot like a 40 hour work week and adhere to it.
If I do not change things, I will end up not engaged in work (which has become my life) and with nothing to do that I enjoy outside of work.
I am in the same boat. I am now non-essential (many of the kids would call me a useless eater as I am now only a drain on the environMINT, and shortly will be a burden on healthcare and social services). I can futz around with my useless hobbies, lay around in bed all day or drop dead... and nobody would give a hoot. You literally go from watching the clock to manage deadlines and commitments, and schedules and day timers... to ... nothing!
ReplyDeleteRight now, I build mountains out of anthills for entertainment. If I don’t like something about my shop, or there’s some minor imperfection, I’ll tear it all down, reorganize it, and put it together right. I’m champing at the bit for the snow to go so. Can rebuild the corner flower box and back steps. I try to spend more time outside. It’s hard work, some of it, and unrewarding... but in an odd way it satisfies too. It’s weird...
Glen, I am coming to view this event more and more as the opportunity for a great reset of our lives. Lots of us - probably myself included - are about to find ourselves "useless" - at least by society. I wonder if there will be a whole new sub-useful culture born of this, folks who can do things that matter but are not seen by the larger society as such?
DeleteSounds like a good plan!
ReplyDelete~hobo
Thanks Hobo! You will probably laugh that even now, I am struggling to limit my involvement with work on the weekends. It is like I say no, but am constantly getting pulled back in. For why, I wonder? At this point, it really does not do a great deal for me.
DeleteWish you well with getting it sorted out, TB. God bless.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda. I need to do this - I am finding that if I do not, I will ultimately just have my life completely consumed by my career.
DeleteAre you at a point to just cut your loses and move to your property on the coast while you can?
DeleteJust thinking out loud. I know you want to or have put your garden in the ground, so not yet.
God bless. ♥
Linda, that has been the goal (at least for me) for a while. There were various factors in place - a job that was a little too good to leave and for which I had to be onsite, schooling - that made things more difficult but frankly, those things are starting to equalize out even as we speak. So who knows - or even if, given how things go in six months, how possible that will be.
DeleteCongratulations - I Agree With Everything Your Thinking - Some Retired Folks Simply Become A Gelatinous Blob And Waste Away - You Are Well On Your Way Of Living Life - Good On You - Be Well And Keep Thinking
ReplyDeleteCheers
Thanks very much Padre - And thanks for stopping by!
DeleteQuiet time is so valuable. It really does make you think. After I burned out, I remember feeling so bored. I couldn't figure out what I enjoyed doing because for about 9 years, I worked 60-100 hour weeks and felt so important and needed that I was addicted to working. I was forced to be at home after that because of the meds I was taking and honestly TB it took me YEARS to start to enjoy my life without work. I remember one day going on the internet doing searches "list of hobbies" and "how to figure out what hobby I enjoy"...I had NO interests and I was so cagey that I couldn't even read one page of a book because I had no concentration. I'm glad you're getting to a point of realizing that things you enjoy, anything non-work related that is, are so important. Now I have a vast number of things that I really enjoy doing. My life is filled with gratitude and everything is so very rewarding.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing Rain. I am finding this to be the case with myself as well - my concentration is shot.
DeleteI will be honest that this is impacting my future work as well - frankly, I am not willing to dip my toe into more of the same, just in a different place.
You're welcome! :) It's a scary thing to think about and to change. We're so used to doing things in one way and we feel we need the salary, the status, the responsibility...I really struggled with it and now my hindsight begs the question "why did I wait until I burned out to change things?"...no logical answer to that one.
DeleteIt is Rain - although honestly my biggest challenge at the moment is figuring out how to maintain my attention level to the point my replacement shows up and I can start down this path more fully.
Delete