You reach a moment where you feel like, no matter what you do, you are constantly doing the wrong thing and considerably behind the eight ball. You try and plug a hole over here, something else happens over there. Decisions which were made - and in theory everyone subscribed to months ago - are suddenly something that no-one seems to remember agreeing to.
Simply put, you feel like you have suddenly reached a point where the position has greatly over-reached you and that you are simply not competent for it. If you were completely honest, you would admit that you go to work daily feeling like this may be the day that you get let go.
Yeah. It feels like that.
I keep thinking what would be something that would turn around this situation, that would somehow make me feel empowered and on course again. The issue is that I have yet to come up with something. No matter what sense of progress I make, I always feel the backward pull of the outgoing tide.
Just for fun, I keep going over our "Break In Case Of Glass" budget. Not that I think anything could happen - but I would rather know my options in the event that they do. It is not the only thing I can do, but oddly enough, it sure feels the one I am making the most progress in.
You are not alone. Most of us go through this at some point. I remember wishing one year that my boss would just fire me because it felt that I could never live up to his standards. After taking several frustrating blows, I finally said something to the effect of let someone else do this. I'm obviously not the one you want here. At that moment, he back peddled. Apparently he hadn't realized how condescending and ungrateful he'd been-or at least come off as. There is much I have to learn to keep up with the ever changing industry I am in and yes, there are many people who'd be just as qualified if not more. Remember, everything changes, we'll never in this lifetime be a true master of anything. As good as we get, we'll never be perfect; we're not a god.
ReplyDeleteA s for those not remembering decisions make a hard copy of all decisions, and if you are feeling the Peter principle could you appl y for demotion to the next lowest level . It is the level at which you know you are competent. Also it may be that you are where you are to become confident and competent at that level.
ReplyDeleteJust some thoughts.
Thanks Anonymous. It is comforting to know that others have this issue too. To be completely honest, there have been brief moments where I thought this would be the better option (I do not know that it is, of course. We do need some level of income).
ReplyDeleteAt this point I need figure out what I need to learn - in some cases, the knowledge I think I need is years of job function in the past, while other places it is the things I need to be doing.
Deb - I have thought (occasionally) about asking for a demotion or at least a change in responsibility; we will see where that leads (generally does not happen in my industry).
ReplyDeleteThe decision log is rather a good idea.
I wonder TB. I am getting it where I work too. I am getting pushed into managerial tasks and I hate it.
ReplyDeleteI wonder - would my father be happy to see me chained to this desk, stressed out of my gourd and working a job that crushes my soul? Even with the bad blood between me and my daughter I would hate to see her in similar straights.
Bah - I whine. Hang in there TB!
Glen - Like some genius once said, no kid dreams of working in a cube or office, going to meetings seven or eight hours a day - yet many of us do. Sign of the times, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteHang in there as well, Friend.