Yesterday evening I met a former coworker for dinner. It was late and dark and I had never been to really anywhere around here, so they made a suggestion for something near the beach.
The restaurant, when we arrived, was one of the very well interiored buildings of the sort that I seldom if ever frequent: shiny marble floors, a long art wall of white tile resembling waves, tables with white linen and full settings and two kinds of glasses. The wait staff was quite nicely dressed with those nice towels that are folded at the belt for service. The windows themselves looked onto the dark beach and the ocean.
The menu, when it came, was the sort which has not more than 30 items on it - some that are standing orders, some that were not specials. Elegant food, the sort that I read about but seldom experience: things involving beets and brussel spouts and ahi tuna and cuts of steak I have had once in my life if at all.
I was clearly out of my depth.
My former coworker clearly was in her depth. Ordered her food, made sure everything got to us, was pleasant when the owner of the restaurant came of and said hi and graciously accepted a gift of dessert. Elegant, well spoken, poised.
I sat and ate my crab, dressed my jeans and "Let us go throw Heavy Things" T-shirt.
It strikes me as odd because I find myself in a paradox: on the one hand this life beckons to me: life in a city, near the beach, eating fine things in nice settings and always elegantly poised to carry on conversations and (frankly) be a beautiful person - on the other side, the reality of telling myself - convincing myself? - that such things are irrelevant and not at all what I want or where I want to be in my life.
I do not know if I can ever resolve this. I do not know if I want to resolve this - in many ways this was a once-in-a-blue-moon event, the sort which seldom comes my way and as such not a serious consideration. Not serious, of course, except that it is something I could achieve if I truly valued it. And I am not sure at times which of these is truly me.
The crab, however, was excellent.
I find myself constantly in such situations, especially since I left the work grind and attempted to enter the back to the land small farming life. Truthfully though I started having the same feelings when I was forced to leave the world of management and become a fork lift operator too.
ReplyDeleteYes it seems like a perfect life but remember it is fake and all the ugliness is hidden. For me though the real decision to leave it all behind was not mine to make. I was the wrong sex and race to be of much superficial value and since that is what most of that life is made up of.... well you get the idea.
Just imagine what their life will be like when the government debt bubble explodes.
It is odd to me Preppy, in that it is a world that I live on the fringes of even here but am not really conversant in. It is a very different crowd from what I am typically used to.
DeleteI do keep the superficiality of all in the back of my mind. It is something I (too) have far too much experience in to not realize that there is much of that lurking just below the surface. As you state, a little disruption or pressure and things will become very different indeed.