Career Mire

I'm fighting the middle age career blues again.

It reached its height yesterday when, in seeing a document, I realized that I am done.  My ability to go forward seems pretty much to have come to a halt.  Bottom line:  it appears that my current position - the title I have held for 12 years - is the only one I will ever have.

Disappointing?  Sure.  To suddenly realize that your ability to move forward in the thing that eats 45+ hours of your week is limited to cost of living increases for the rest of career is depressing.  The fact that you will spend the rest of your career bringing other people into systems, training them up, and then having them both command you and take the credit for the work you execute creates no incentive to really try harder.

I calculated again last night.  I have 16.5 years into this industry.  Almost too late - in fact maybe too late - to make a career change, which I have sort of already acknowledged internally.  That said, the fact that my ability to do anything else other than what I am makes me crumble in despair.

Is this it?  Surrender to the commute to a place (could be any place, at this point) that will keep me where I am for the next 20 to 25 years with essentially no hope?

How disappointing that the weather outside - cold, wet windy - matches the issues within my own soul.