Hating Crossroads

I hate crossroads.

I hate crossroads because one has to commit. One  has to make a decision and go with it.

And I am terrible at making decisions.

Well, maybe terrible at making decisions.  Maybe a better word is terrible at committing.

Why?  Because commitment means choosing one thing above another thing - even if the thing you choose is wrong.  Which is sort of odd, because if you ask me of decisions I have made which I regret, the list is probably a great deal less than what I would consider it to be.  But even in those decisions, I suppose there is seldom I feeling I have that I really committed.

My sensei reminds me of this constantly.  It happened again last night - practicing ukimi (rolls)  he said "You have to commit.  If you do not commit, you find yourself rolling off to the side instead of rolling straight."  Iaijutsu is a great deal about commitment - when you put your hand to the hilt, you are committing to drawing.  Putting your hand up and pulling it away makes you less of a threat and in fact brings into question whether you will use your sword at all.

"What is the symbolic meaning of drawing the sword quickly?  When you have made a decision, act immediately without hesitation."  How many times have I repeated these words to myself in the car driving to work in the morning - and yet how seldom it seems I am willing to do them.

Here is the reality, of course:  crossroads come.  And in that decision of three roads (less the one you have come on, of course)  a definite commitment not to follow one become s a passive decision to follow whichever one becomes most convenient.  Hardly a way to get to a destination - or live a life.

When, coming to a crossroads, choose.

Commit.  And see what happens next.