Out of Control

Feeling a little out of control of events this morning.

My life seems more and more caught up by events that are completely outside of my control.  I am caught in the vortex of decision which are beyond my ability to make - but which impact me a great deal.  It is in more than one area, which makes the whole thing a little more disconcerting to me.  Bottom line:  it feels like I control the fringes of my life.  I seemingly have no control over the center.

What bothers one, of course, is that one wants to actually take charge of the situation and make those direct changes which can make impact.  But it feels like one cannot, of course:  we are tied by a thousand tiny threads, any one of which we could break but a thousand of which tie us to the ground.

Is this it?  That is what the inner core of me cries out at moments like this.  I feel so trapped, so ineffective, so much a product of an industrial age to which I am merely a cog in several other wheels.

Dangerous, of course.  These are the moments where bad decisions are made, where disgust and anger rise up in a torrential wave leading one to say and do things which one will later regret - viscerally satisfying at the moment of course, but eventually leading nowhere.

But even as the blood cools (or perhaps just accepts that this is way things are) one is left with a single question:  is this all I can really expect from the rest of my life?