Why do I make excuses for why I cannot - or will not - look for a new career? This is the outcome of my pondering on yesterday's consideration and going through the process of living through my day at work.
What are my excuses?
- Money, of course. As Pioneer Preppy pointed out so well yesterday, money is a huge consideration. The thought of disrupting the money flow is a terrifying thought at the best of times, and as The Firm proved, making a bad decision about money can haunt you for years after the decision both financially and personally.
- Experience. I argue with myself that I have "invested" 16 plus years in my current line of work and starting from the bottom again will just be an exercise in futility that I do not want to undertake for a second time.
- Difficulty. Yes, it is hard to find a new career field. Lots of searching, lots of applying, lots of rejections.
But in writing them out, those are pretty tame excuses considering my rising level of unhappiness. Not enough money? Find a way to make more. Not enough experience? Be creative - how does your current experience level translate into other areas - or simply learn new skills. Difficulty? Sure, it is difficult - but lots of things that I have done in my life are difficult. What is my point?
The last is the most telling to me. Difficult. But I have done many difficult things - I have sung in front of people, performed on the harp, created and written four books, wrote 50,000 words in 30 days, learned a sword art form, and competed in Highland Athletics. Any one of those things could be considered difficult - yet I have done them all.
It comes down to self belief.
I do not believe that I can do this thing. That is what it is. I do not have the internally energizing belief that I can find a new line of work - or even create one for myself. Always in the back of my mind I see myself as the one with my hand out, begging for a job rather than being desired for one.
How did I end up with such an image in my head? Years of the job process I suppose, always applying for multiple jobs while hoping against hope that someone will say yes, that someone will beneficently agree that you are the one. But in every other example I listed there was no deus ex machina which made it happen. Yes, I have had more help in each of those things than I could have ever dreamed off. But that help would not have made a difference - indeed, would not have been offered - unless I made the effort to do the activity, and believed that I could.
So there is the key - changing my image from a beggar pleading for a career to someone confidently making a career and being a valued resource.
How does one make this happen?
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