An Appearing Sadness

After yesterday's strong post today is a letdown:  I feel completely sad and defeated.

I have no idea where this feeling came from.  It was there when I woke up - in fact, I woke up feeling that way from a dream I had.  But then I got up and there it still was.  Prayed - could not shake it.  Read my morning Bible verses - could not shake it.  And so there I sat, my morning routine completely shattered by a feeling I did not understand and could not shake.

I hate it when this happens. 

Ideally I would like to be able to track this back to something - some event, some comment, some thing - that I can analyze, look at, and say "Okay, this is coming from that.  I just need to resolve this/let this go/do something different and shake the feeling."  But that is not happening apparently - instead, I am stewing in the juices of a sadness which I cannot remove from my soul.

The rest of day is looming before me of course and I have not choice but to engage in it.  Everyone else and everything else does not stop just because I am under a cloud.  I will need to pick myself up and carry on about the day.

But even within this I almost feel my eyes tearing up over the thought.   There seems to be something really, really unsettling in my life today.

And I do not seem to understand what it is