More Time

Balance is key.

I found myself torn this weekend by the multiplicity of things that I wanted - and had to do:  Highland Athletics, iaijutsu practice, cleaning the rabbits, writing more for Nanowrimo, running, and even just mowing the lawn.  Add to this the other activities I do infrequently - making cheese, making mead, gardening - and those which I wish I did more of - language, even more writing, getting back on the harp, more canning, maybe even bees again - and suddenly I felt overwhelmed. Like I was not going to accomplish anything at all.

This is always a problem for me.  My reach is always outstretching my grasp.  There is so much more that I want to do than I seem to have the time for that I simply become frustrated.  And feel like I cannot do anything at all.

This is ludicrous, of course.  In my saner moments I realize that the expectations here are the ones that I am putting on myself.  No-one judges my success or my failure in any of these things except myself.  I am the only one that feels the disappointment.

In the back of my mind I try to find the linkage between where I am and where I want to be.  My hope is always that I can find a way more towards something of this nature - because in these things I find my heart.  In these things I find a passion and zest for living.

I will keep trying, of course - the only thing completely failed is the thing which is never tried.  And my throws may not be quite as high, my cuts not as straight, my cheese not as round (and my lawn, of course, not as mowed) - but that is okay.  Each of these things makes me a better person, makes me more alive.

Even if I do not have all the time in the world to do them.