Not Feeling It

I'm not really feeling it this morning.

To be fair, I was not really feeling it all day on Sunday either.  It was just a lethargy, a sense that I didn't really want to do anything - and whatever I did try to do went nowhere.  No interest.  No energy.  No effort.  Just a sense of of "Leave me alone".

There was just this vast sense of things not making a difference no matter how much I try.  No matter what goals I set, no matter what I try to do, most of my life seems to be remarkably stable - or staid, depending on how you want to look at it.

And now Monday has come.

I don't quite understand this feeling.  It is not so much a feeling of depression as it is of having no energy to speak of at all - or at least, energy for action.  I don't feel unable to move and make efforts, I feel uninterested in moving and making efforts.

Why?  A very good question indeed, one I wish I had a better answer to.  In the back of my head is the suggestive thought that no matter what I try to do, it always seems to lead me back to about the same place.  Or perhaps it is processing the thought (yet again) that choices I made years ago have finally proven to lock me into a place where I did not anticipate being and now that I am here, leave me unable to attempt to move out from under them.

I wish I knew the cause, because existing without a level of interest in anything is as painful as it is boring.