Breaking Points

What is one's breaking point?  How do you find it?

The fact that it's only Tuesday and I'm asking this question is probably not a good sign.

There are different kinds of breaking points I suppose:  physical, mental, even spiritual.  Vocational?  Possibly.  Personal?  I'm not sure - are the points merely an extension of our personal lives or are personal breaking points an entirely different matter?

No matter, I suppose - the fact is that they exist.  And I'm finding myself up against them now.

The worst part (for me) is that I simply have no sense of how to deal with them, what action to take to address them.  If this was a physical point - say, a run I could not complete - the answer would be fairly clear:  Stop.  Walk.  Train to run farther - or ask the question about why I'm doing it in the first place and reconsider.

The problem is that most other points are not physical manifestations that I can manipulate.

The sense of powerlessness in facing these can be overwhelming.  I simply feel that there is nothing that I can do.  There is no action I can take - at least nothing that comes to mind - that can move me beyond it or make it stop.

I keep thinking that if only I had some breathing room, a chance to stop and consider, that I might find a way out of things.  The fact is that life may have allowed that at one point (possibly - I'm not sure that was ever true) it certainly does not now.  Life has become a series of events and actions to which I always seem to be running slightly behind or late.

Of course, one has to belief that one can change things, that the point of breaking can be moved through by action.  This is again something which I seem to be lacking in.  I simply have no belief or evidence that my decisions or actions make a positive impact (although interestingly enough they always seem successful in making a negative impact).  I feel very far from being an actor and very much being acted upon by all sorts of influences and forces (including people) around me.

How do I change this?  This is the problem that vexes me.  If one is pushed to the point of feeling broken, surely there is a way to move through it?    James says that we should count it all joy when we meet with various trials, "for you know the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And lest steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing"  (James 1:3-4).  Paul says in Romans 8:28 "We know that in everything God works for good with those who love Him, who are called according to His purpose" - but even Paul admitted that "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9).

I certainly make no comparison to any of my issues compared to that of the apostle Paul (although I suppose it's comforting to know he had his days as well).  What I am trying to find is that thing, that action, that point at which I swing things to my favor, at least feel I have some measure of ability to influence or change or control, rather than waiting the loud "crack" the presages the breaking of mind and spirit.